Comments on: Help “Getting” Revenge

By: cdbrauns

cdbrauns — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 21:08:29 +0000

Such insightful comments by so many people.

Christine’s comment about evaluating the root cause of our actions is so much what we all need to do.

Now, if I can make sure that my manuscript reflects some of the wisdom here. . . .

By: Christine

Christine — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 19:34:36 +0000

One area I struggle with the most is a form of revenge in my marriage. I often find my husband and I arguing over my not doing things I should be. When I look to the root cause I am saddened to notice that sometimes, I don’t carry out my responsibilities as a wife because I feel as though my husband is neglecting my needs. I know in my heart this is wrong, but sometimes the flesh speaks awfully loud. I constantly have to remind myself when I catch myself behaving that way that the Christian response is to carry out my responsibilities as a wife because it is what God wants me to do, and not get caught up in the “I would if do this if you would do that” game.

By: Brenda

Brenda — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 17:58:46 +0000

Chris I know with in my marriage things I get caught up with when I get upset that bob’s doing this or that or bought something I didn’t think he needed. I catch myself over and over again falling into the same pattern of well if he can do this then I can do that or well he spent that much money so It’s only fair that I spend that much to I have to be careful about not acting childish. Be an adult about it and talk with him instead of causing more trouble

By: cdbrauns

cdbrauns — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 17:44:53 +0000

No, Mona, you are not on a tangent. That is really what I am trying to address in my book – - -what is the proper way to unpack forgiveness? To deal with the pain. . . of course, I am taking a book to do it . . . so I won’t blog the answer. But, you know where to find me!

By: Mona

Mona — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 16:24:47 +0000

Boy…what insightful messages! To me revenge is anything (physically, emotionally or mentally) that someone does to make themself feel better about their own pain. The pain that someone else has caused them. If the silent treatment is revenge, the verbal/physical fighting is revenge, the gossiping is revenge, the “doing nothing” is revenge, the praying in a certain way is revenge…..and so on, how should someone handle the “pain” someone else has delt them? Sorry if I’m going off in another direction.

By: Dave Hills

Dave Hills — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:21:38 +0000

Sometimes our revenge takes the form of “competition.” We work VERY HARD to make ourselves successful, especially if it will somehow make us look better than the person who has “done us wrong”.

Thus, we take a good thing (competition, drive, desire for success, pursuit of excellence) and turn it into something ugly. Our motive is now to simply make our rival look bad, and ourselves look good!

Our revenge can also involve “sabatoging” the efforts of the person who has offended us. That can sometimes involve simply withholding assistance that could have been helpful to the offending party.

By: Shannon

Shannon — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 02:46:49 +0000

Revenge has to do with control. It’s what I do when I’ve been hurt and want the hurt to boomarang. It may be passive or agressive, but either way my goal is to inflict pain in response to my own pain.

There are endless examples of jabs and stabs, and many of them are not premeditated. An opportunity materializes out of thin air, and in my spirit I say, “Aha!” and twist the knife with just a comment, a glare, or even a moment of silence.

Just yesterday, I said, “Ken, do you want to go to the pool?” He said, “No, I should mow.” His mowing in stead of coming would prevent me from having a nap in the chair. Though he was unaware of the ‘pain’ he was causing me (you know… sitting up in the chair watching the kids splash rather than laying down with my eyes closed), I jabbed, “Vacation is for family.”

I know my husband desperately wants to be a good dad, and so I selfishly and manipulatively tossed out a question of his intentions. It hurt and ignited a heated discussion.

Though this is a minor example, it parallels many of my major schemes. Revenge is about control and it is fuelled by self-centeredness. The antidote is often ‘in humility considering others’ needs more important than your own.’

By: Andrew Ford

Andrew Ford — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 21:13:27 +0000

I assume revenge is our response to an action done against us that we interpret as a wrong in order to achieve some kind of quick justice that is preemptive to God’s ultimate justice whether this is done in the short term or at the judgment.

We get revenge on tailgating individuals by slowing down – subtle yet quite enjoyable.

Keying a car is not subtle, but planting seeds of character doubt with others about the one with whom you want revenge is just as malicious.

Imprecatory prayers rooted in self righteousness are very subtle.

Pastors some times get subtle revenge in the pulpit by statements that are meant for one person’s ears alone.

I agree with the silent treatment – which, in reality, is temporarily killing someone with out actually firing the gun.

Expressing happiness is a way of revenge – its goal is to infuriate the offender by a statement of care free living. “You screwed me, so now I screw you by my laughter and care free attitude” – while deep down inside overflowing with anger.

Slanted emails that say one thing but really say many other things.

Pouting and making everyone miserable.

Just a few.

By: cdbrauns

cdbrauns — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 15:45:42 +0000

Tim – - you’re right – - there is no shortage of examples. But, I think yours is an especially important one because it reminds us how very subtle our revenge can be. . . most of us would not espouse the whole Sicilian think of vendettas . . . we just have some simple little ways we get back, even if it is only doing nothing.

By: Tim Smith

Tim Smith — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 15:40:09 +0000

Chris:

We could go on a long time with examples couldn’t we? I have one I’m facing now. One of our deacons has given me a little grief recently and we are at loggerheads on an issue (although is a very fine man) that is causing me consternation. Some of the other deacons are upset with this man. All I have to do is nothing to get revenge on him.