Scott asked this question in a comment.
I know this has probably been covered elsewhere, but can we unpack the role of godly parents who have grown children that have walked away from the Lord.
A hypothetical (all too common one): college daughter chooses to cohabit with boyfriend. Gives ultimatum laced with bitterness. “Either you accept my lifestyle or have nothing to do with me.”
Is there a manner in which hurting parents may or should communicate the path to forgiveness? Should this be frequently repeated? Should estrangement be accepted? That is to say, if the daughter chooses to place unreasonable conditions on their relationship, should the parents find ways to stay connected (emails, calls, cards, and etc.)? How best can they show love, forgiveness, truth, holiness?
Finally, what absolutes are essential in such an arrangement?
First, if you read nothing else, read John and Abraham Piper’s post below.
Working through such a situation can only be done through biblical wisdom. Biblical wisdom doesn’t grow like weeds in the flower bed. We have to cultivate it through having our minds renewed in the Scripture, being with other believers, and hearing the Word preached. So, the first thing I would say to parents in such a situation (and there are many) – - – grow as a believer.
From there, several things should be wisely held in tension. This is a blog post – - not a book – - so this answer will be rough!
- Pray and ask others to pray. Don’t allow your own pride to prevent you from asking others to pray. Pray on your knees. Journal your prayers. Fast and pray. Walk and pray. Pray, pray, pray.
- Support your church if it works through church discipline with one of your children. Paraphrasing Bonhoeffer, there is nothing crueler than the “love” that consigns another to his or her sin. If your church is willing to confront your child, then don’t get upset about that. Praise God for godly leaders. Understand that such confrontation is precisely what God may use to bring your son or daughter back, though there may be anger in the short run (1 Cor 5:5, Matt 18, esp 15-18). Your pastors and elders won’t be perfect in the process. They will make mistakes – - we always do. But, God is pleased to use His church despite our imperfections.
- Keep a relationship with your son or daughter if at all possible. Always extend grace and love. E-mail. Send gifts. Pray for them.
- Do not make the sin the central issue of every conversation. Be clear. Warn them. As someone has said, “Choose to sin, choose to suffer.” Express concern. But, then, don’t continually bring it up. (I don’t have chapter and verse for this – -).
- Don’t make provision for the sin. If your child is involved in a wrong relationship, you may allow the other person to come to dinner. But, I wouldn’t allow them to sleep together in my home!
- Don’t enable the sin. Parents do their children no favors if they given them money to buy more drugs. Of course, giving a child over to the consequences of his or her sin is unbelievably difficult. You need the support of your local church!
- Grow your own marriage. The parents of rebellious children will know extra pressure on their marriage. Grow together in Christ. Don’t allow distance to grow because of tensions over a wayward child. Where there is distance and there are wounds, unpack forgiveness today – - I know of a book I would recommend on forgiveness. . .
**********************
John Piper and his son Abraham have written some excellent posts on this subject after Abraham’s time of rebellion.
My son Abraham, who speaks from the wisdom of experience and Scripture, has written the article that follows. I read it with tears and laughter. It is so compelling that I asked him immediately if I could share it with the church and the wider Christian community. There is no greater joy than to see your children walking in the truth—and expressing it so well. The rest is Abraham’s untouched. -John Piper
Many parents are brokenhearted and completely baffled by their unbelieving son or daughter. They have no clue why the child they raised well is making such awful, destructive decisions. I’ve never been one of these parents, but I have been one of these sons. Reflecting back on that experience, I offer these suggestions to help you reach out to your wayward child.
1. Point them to Christ.
Your rebellious child’s real problem is not drugs or sex or cigarettes or pornography or laziness or crime or cussing or slovenliness or homosexuality or being in a punk rock band. The real problem is that they don’t see Jesus clearly. The best thing you can do for them—and the only reason to do any of the following suggestions—is to show them Christ. It is not a simple or immediate process, but the sins in their life that distress you and destroy them will only begin to fade away when they see Jesus more like he actually is.
2. Pray.
Only God can save your son or daughter, so keep on asking that he will display himself to them in a way they can’t resist worshiping him for.
3. Acknowledge that something is wrong.
If your daughter rejects Jesus, don’t pretend everything is fine.
For every unbelieving child, the details will be different. Each one will require parents to reach out in unique ways. Never acceptable, however, is not reaching out at all. If your child is an unbeliever, don’t ignore it. Holidays might be easier, but eternity won’t be.
4. Don’t expect them to be Christ-like.
If your son is not a Christian, he’s not going to act like one.
You know that he has forsaken the faith, so don’t expect him to live by the standards you raised him with. For example, you might be tempted to say, “I know you’re struggling with believing in Jesus, but can’t you at least admit that getting wasted every day is sin?”
If he’s struggling to believe in Jesus, then there is very little significance in admitting that drunkenness is wrong. You want to protect him, yes. But his unbelief is the most dangerous problem—not partying. No matter how your child’s unbelief exemplifies itself in his behavior, always be sure to focus more on the heart’s sickness than its symptoms.
5. Welcome them home.
Because the deepest concern is not your child’s actions, but his heart, don’t create too many requirements for coming home. If he has any inkling to be with you, it is God giving you a chance to love him back to Jesus. Obviously there are some instances in which parents must give ultimatums: “Don’t come to this house if you are…” But these will be rare. Don’t lessen the likelihood of an opportunity to be with your child by too many rules.
If your daughter smells like weed or an ashtray, spray her jacket with Febreze and change the sheets when she leaves, but let her come home. If you find out she’s pregnant, then buy her folic acid, take her to her twenty-week ultrasound, protect her from Planned Parenthood, and by all means let her come home. If your son is broke because he spent all the money you lent him on loose women and ritzy liquor, then forgive his debt as you’ve been forgiven, don’t give him any more money, and let him come home. If he hasn’t been around for a week and a half because he’s been staying at his girlfriend’s—or boyfriend’s—apartment, plead with him not to go back, and let him come home.
6. Plead with them more than you rebuke them.
Be gentle in your disappointment.
What really concerns you is that your child is destroying herself, not that she’s breaking rules. Treat her in a way that makes this clear. She probably knows—especially if she was raised as a Christian—that what she’s doing is wrong. And she definitely knows you think it is. So she doesn’t need this pointed out. She needs to see how you are going to react to her evil. Your gentle forbearance and sorrowful hope will show her that you really do trust Jesus.
Her conscience can condemn her by itself. Parents ought to stand kindly and firmly, always living in the hope that they want their child to return to.
7. Connect them to believers who have better access to them.
There are two kinds of access that you may not have to your child: geographical and relational. If your wayward son lives far away, try to find a solid believer in his area and ask him to contact your son. This may seem nosy or stupid or embarrassing to him, but it’s worth it—especially if the believer you find can also relate to your son emotionally in a way you can’t.
Relational distance will also be a side effect of your child leaving the faith, so your relationship will be tenuous and should be protected if at all possible. But hard rebuke is still necessary.
This is where another believer who has emotional access to your son may be very helpful. If there is a believer who your son trusts and perhaps even enjoys being around, then that believer has a platform to tell your son—in a way he may actually pay attention to—that he’s being an idiot. This may sound harsh, but it’s a news flash we all need from time to time, and people we trust are usually the only ones who can package a painful rebuke so that it is a gift to us.
A lot of rebellious kids would do well to hear that they’re being fools—and it is rare that this can helpfully be pointed out by their parents—so try to keep other Christians in your kids lives.
Read the whole thing here.
Thank you, EVERYONE, for your support and prayers.
Louise, I am as certain as I can be that my daughter is not using drugs
or alcohol, but I HAVE wondered if she has some type of mental
illness. Sometimes I think it’s just a horrible habit she has gotten
in…treating us this way. Then, having people around her who’ve
excused and enabled her…and some who’ve just been fooled by her,
hasn’t helped. So many possibilities!
On Friday night she came by our house to pick up something of hers
that she’d remembered was in our garage. I was alone, and ready with
the notes my other daughters had written to her, along with one
composed by all of us. One main point made in our letter was that she
needed to stay away from us until we felt healed enough to risk trying
a relationship with her again. When I gave her the notes, I said enough
about them that she knew the gist of them. She stomped around,
slammed a couple of doors, talked snidely, etc. while finding the things
she’d come for, and then she left.
But then on Sunday she posted on her Facebook wall(for EVERYONE
to see, which showed a humble attitude) something about having
realized, because of what was taught in Sunday School that day, that
she “can’t keep living like this.” Then, a few hours later, wrote, also
for the world to see on Facebook, that she had just been about three
seconds away from being hit by a car that had jumped the center
divide rail on the freeway and almost rolled onto her car. She posted
that it made her realize that she needed to “make things right”,
change her life, not live like this anymore, and a couple of other things
like that.
Also, she said that it made her really think about the last thing she
said to the people she loves. I thought that there was a possibility
that she wasn’t talking about us, but then, yesterday she sent us an
email, saying that, when we were ready to try again with her, she
would work really hard to change. She said that she loves us and
really realizes how badly she has treated us.
We’re still going to stay away for a while, but it looks like she is really
listening to God. I’m feeling hopeful again…with some reservations.
Thank you all for your support. I’ll keep you posted, and I’ll continue
to pray for your families.
With Love,
Amy
While I’m here, I’d like to ask if anyone else sometimes has problems
posting to this discussion. I’ve learned to copy and save somewhere
else what I want to post, because often I get a message, after
clicking “Submit”, that what I’m looking for is not here. So far, I’ve
tried submitting this post three times tonight. I usually keep trying,
and eventually it works. But I have no idea what the problem is. Any
suggestions?
Does anyone else have problems posting to this site? I’m hoping this will work. Sometimes, when I press “Submit”, I’m taken to a page that says something like, “Oops, what you’re looking for just isn’t here.” I’m hoping I can get this to go through.
Amy
AMY, I AM SO GLAD YOUR DAUGHTER IS SHOWING SOME GOOD EMOTIONS, PRAISE GOD, I WILL KEEP PRAYING,,LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL,,,,AND YES I HAVE HAD A COUPLE OF TIMES THAT I HIT SUBMIT, AND MY MESSAGE JUST DISAPPEARED,BUT ITS BEEN OK LATELY,,,GOD BLESS,,,,
Carol, Amy, and others who comment on this post – - I am thankful for your continued interaction and prayers and encouragement for one another. It is wonderful to know that people care.
While, it is a slightly different subject, you might look at the post that I just put up linking to my friend Alice’s blog. See
http://www.chrisbrauns.com/2010/07/29/if-you-have-recently-suffered-loss/
One of the things that must be so hard for you as mothers of struggling children is to keep up with the mundane realities of life even while you are worried sick about your children.
I pray that the Lord will give you strength.
Hi everyone. Some of you are experiencing problems with the comments. So, I am suggesting that we move the discussion to a new thread. http://www.chrisbrauns.com/2010/07/30/200-comments-later-ive-learned-that-nothing-hurts-more-than-rebellious-children-though-community-helps-cope-with-the-pain/
Some of you who have been frequent contributors here, may want to make an initial comment on the other thread that the interaction has encouraged you.
It is probably best to make the first comment or two fairly short – - that way, there will be a better chance people will read through it.
Thankful that you have been encouraged here.
Chris.
HELLO ALL, JUST LETTING EACH ONE OF YOU KNOW I AM STILL PRAYING FOR YOU ALL,,, PLEASE REMEMBER MY DAUGHTER,, I JUST FOUND OUT YESTERDAY, SHE IS LIVING UNDER A NEW NAME ,, PLEASE PRAY FOR HER HUSBAND ,,, HE HAS TAKING EVERYTHING FROM HER,, EVEN HER NAME ,,, MY HEART HURTS FOR HER SO MUCH ,,I JUST KEEP PRAYING SHE WILL WISE UP TO HIM ,, THANK YOU FOR ALL THE PRAYERS,, I APPRECIATE THIS WEB SO MUCH PASTOR CHRIS,, WHEN I HAVE NO WHERE TO RUN ,, I RUN HERE,, GOD BLESS YOU ALL,, LOVE,, YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL
Carol,
I am definitely thinking of you and your family. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I pray that the Lord will draw her back to HIM. I pray comfort for you. Remember, He has the whole world in His hands.
Love,
Pam
Hi there,
My name is Jane and I have a son that is 19 and walking so far away from God. Even though I have give him to God. I can’t stop worring. I keep thinking if I love him enough he will come home and change, but I know only God can change him. I want to love him more and my husband says let him go, what is the right answer? My heart breaks daily, please pray for us.
Jane
Hi Jane,
I’m so sorry to hear of your pain. As a pastor, I can tell you that you are not alone. So many people are struggling with children who are far from God.
I may sound more like a politician than a pastor – - but, I think you are both right. You can’t love your son too much. That’s not possible.
Yet your husband is also correct that you have to let him go. As I tell someone nearly daily as a pastor, if you want to drive yourself crazy about this, then you will be able to do it. You do need to give it to God.
Of course, it is far easier for me to tell you to give it to God than it actually is to do it. The only way you can even begin to give this to God is to fix your eyes on Christ and to understand in an increasing way how great God is. I would suggest really meditating on the Psalms. Even memorizing them. Psalm 46 would be one good example. Or 62.
I pray that the Lord will give you strength.
Chris.
Dear Jane,
I am so sorry about what you are going through. I totally agree with Pastor Chris. (Hi Chris, I thank you for this site and I pray God richly blesses you!) I can remember how distraught I was when my daughter first left home and started living a different life style than what I was wanting for her. I was basically making myself physically sick from worry. The more I focused on my daughter and worried about each incident and each encounter and what I could do to reach her, it seemed that the problems just grew and grew. This is when our faith is truly put to the test. The enemy attacks and where do we turn? Who do we seek? The enemy’s ultimate goal is to take our focus off of God and he will do it by any means possible. What better way than through our children. God wants us to believe in Him, I mean truly believe. Believe He is who He says He is. Believe He is in control and is able to do so much more than we can when it comes to speaking to our children’s hearts. Seek Him more than you ever have in your entire life. TRUST HIM completely and that means letting go and not allowing yourself to pick it back up and worry. Praise Him for what He is going to do. Have Faith in HIM. Oh, please understand me when I say, I failed miserably at trusting God and wanting to be in control and it made me very ill. I was not any good for anyone. This trial I went through drew me closer to my Lord and Savior and I grew to trust Him more and more because He is faithful. Most importantly is this, until I let go, God allowed me to try and fix my own problems and worry until I decided that I couldn’t do it anymore. I needed Him and that meant I had to give my burdens to Him and start living my life to please Him. He gave me grace when I didn’t deserve it. He is first in my life. My relationship with my daughter is wonderful now and I feel that because I have strengthened my relationship with Christ, I am better able to speak with her about God in a very natural way which is planting seeds in her life. God gives me opportunities very often with my daughter now that I didn’t think I would have again for many years. Regardless of what anyone else tells me, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is because I gave her to Him and trusted Him to take care of her and He did. Much better than I ever could have. When I put my focus on Him and His word, I received joy out of no where and a peace that was undescribable. My God is worthy of our praise and He is always faithful. He will not let you down Jane. If I had not have learned to trust Him with my daughter, I don’t believe things would be the way they are today. Read Psalm 36 & 37. I will be praying for you Jane. I pray you give your burden to the Only One who can take it from you and give you peace.
Love,
Pam
Dear Jane,
Earlier I couldn’t find the scripture that really touched my heart and encouraged me during what I feel you are going through, but I have found it.
Psalm 34:17-19 The righteous cry, and the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
I pray this comforts you Jane.
Pam
I do not see any of the postings I had placed here within the last month or so!
Oh well…such is the internet!
Anyhow…we have been through those same identical steps, Jane…you are not alone as Pastor Chris has stated!
You can read our novel in the blogs way ahead….been a rough 5 years. I was so relieved to have found this place. It brought comfort…yes, misery does long for company, but most of all…misery longs for prayer and comfort…both of which my husband and myself have received here from such caring and praying ppl!
Our daughter is married to the fellow we had advised against…and she is reaping that decision. So much more…but, we have found out…that regaurdless of where she is..where she lays her head…He is with her…and He has brought us peace in the midst of all this!
We had told each of out children from little tikes and up…”Show us your friends, and we will see into your future!”
As Pam had stated…those same Psalms we have read, reread…and nearly have them memorized…plus others…been back to reading Ps. 37…God is faithful…and He does care for the wandering rebellious souls!
Take care…find and renumerate all the things and moments in your lives this Thanksgiving Day…and in the days that follow…all the Things the Lord has done for you!
He is FAITHFUL…and His love endures forever!
BTW…God Bless you , Pam…and Carol, et al…this Thanksgiving! Also…blessings to you and your family, Pastor Chris!
Much love,
Dan and Louise
I pray everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I believe when we post our replies here, it puts us back to the original site where this blog started (not our reply, just our browser), but if you hit your back button, or go to your email and go back into the site, you will see your post. Or possibly you are going to the old site and putting replies on there instead of this new site. I don’t know, but I haven’t had any problems, I just had to check both of them to catch up with everyone. You can go to the top of this page and hit “Unpacking Forgiveness Reviewed” to go to the original blog, I believe. Then you can see if your messages are there. I hope this helps instead of confuses anyone. God bless you all and I hope to hear from everyone with updates. You are all in my prayers.
Love,
Pam
WELL I HAVENT BEEN ON HERE FOR AWHILE, NOT MUCH CHANGE ,, MY DARLING DAUGHTER HAS BEEN GONE FOR JUST OVER FOUR YEARS ,, I STILL FEEL SICK ALL THE TIME, I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING ,BUT IT IS AND OUR GOD IS HERE WALKING WITH ME ,,TO LOSE A CHILD THIS WAY IS UNBLIEVEABLE, TO KNOW SHE IS JUST ACCROSS TOWN ,, AND WE ARENT WELCOME IN HER LIFE ,, OUR GOD IS IN CONTROLL, AND I LIVE MY LIFE TO HONNOR HIM ,, WELL ALMOST 5;AM AND I HAVE BEEN UP SINCE 3;AM , PRAYERS ALWAYS APPRECIATED,, LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST ,,, ALWAYS KNOW I ALWAYS PRAY FOR THIS WEB. GOD BLESS
Carol,
I am so sorry to hear that your pain continues. There are no words that I could share, but I do pray that God will continue to give you strength and encouragement.
Thanks for stopping in.
Chris.
THANK YOU PASTOR CHRIS,, PRAYERS ARE MUCH NEEDED AND APPRECIATED ,, NO THERE ARE NO WORDS, ONLY OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN IS IN CONTROLL, WHAT EVER IS HIS WILL IT SHALL BE DONE ,, AND WE PRAISE THE MASTER, FOR HIS LOVE ,, HE WILL NEVER LEAVE US, HE HAS, AND WILL WALK WITH US ,, PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME ,, THE FATHER KNOW’S WHEN IT IS TIME ,TO PUT OUR DAUGHTER BACK INTO OUR LIVES ,, LOVE IN CHRIST CAROL
Dear Carol,
I am truly broken-hearted for you! I feel your pain. That went on for 6 years for us. Then, one day in Feb of last year, I received an email from our estranged daughter. That email contained a sad note: she had a miscarraige and she listed her blood work/lab results in that letter. I could tell the alcohol and drugs had obscurred her thought process..as I am an RN and can interpret labs. Those lab values were showing acute alcoholism and drug abuise. God was so good to allow the loss of our grandchild..as the birth defects would have been too much for that baby and for her mother to endure.
The development of the relationship between us and our daughter was a slow and at times, painful one. She had so many false memories, mental issues, etc…We are now seeing her weekly, and we are praying everyday for both her and her husband. They are now both attending church…and he is becoming a student of the Word…I am truly now believing that they are not faking it, but truly have repentant hearts…and working “to work out their salvation” daily.
The darkness endures for a season, Carol..but daylight, the morning of joy will come. I am praying for you and your husband. There is no pain like what you are enduring, I know it. He is our Father, Carol…He will carry you through it, and He sees your daughter, where she is, what she is doing…He gave me that comfort when I felt I could no longer endure the pain, the not knowing…
Dear sister, continue in the Faith…and though the pain, the agony, and the sorrow greets you every morning….KNOW this…that He cares for your daughter…His eye is on the sparrow, and He watches over you and your daughter.
Read all of the posts and while I am encouraged by so many of the stories….I am still heartsick about my daughter…..she is living in another city and drinks alot…..I worry so much…..she is my heart……
LOUISE , THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ENCOUAGEING NOTE ,, I DO APPRECIATE IT VERY MUCH ,,, IT DOES HELP TO TALK TO PEOPLE THAT KNOW YOUR PAIN ,,I TO,, PRAY FOR ALL ON THIS WEB ,, MY FATHER GOD IN HEAVEN HAS BROUGHT ME THIS FAR,, IN THIS STORM,, AND I KNOW HE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME ,, OUR GOD IS SO AMAZING ,, AND I KNOW THAT HE IS WATCHING OVER MY DAUGHTER,, HOPE, TRUST AND FAITH ,, JEREMIAH, 29:11 FOR I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU ,,DECLARES THE LORD,,PLANS TO PROSPER YOU AND NOT HARM YOU ,, PLANS TO GIVE YOU HOPE AND A FUTURE ,, LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL ,,,,,,,
KATHY, I FEEL YOUR PAIN, I AM PRAYING FOR YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER ,, STAY CLOSE TO GOD , IN THE WORD AND PRAYER ,, MY HEART HURTS FOR YOU ,,JUST KNOW THAT THE PEOPLE ON THIS WALL UNDERSTAND AND WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER ALSO ,,,I WILL PRAY FOR PEACE IN YOUR HEART AND THAT GOD WILL GIVE YOU STRENGTH, GOD BE WITH YOU KATHY, LOVE AND PRAYERS YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST ,,,, IF YOU EVER WANT TO TALK, THIS IS A GOOD PLACE TO DO IT ,,,,,,,
Dear Carol and Kathy,
I understand your pain and we still have issues…the relationship gets rough. OUr daughter’s husband is addicted to his pain meds…and we are the brunt of his cruelty…as well as she is!
THINKING OF YOU ALL TODAY,, AND PRAYING,,, MY HUSBAND CALLED OUR DAUGHTER YESTERDAY AND SHE ANSWERED ,, FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE FEB. THE CONVERSATION WAS VERY LIGHT, TALKED MOSTLY ABOUT HER DOG, HER VOICE WAS MUCH CLAMMER THAN IT HAS EVER BEEN, WE HAVE LEARN WHAT TO SAY AND NOT TO SAY ,,WE HAVE TO TIP-TOE OR SHE WILL JUST HANG UP ,,,,HER HUSBAND HAS HER SO BRAINWASHED,SHE SOUNDS JUST LIKE HIM ,,,, WE OFFERED HER ,,, HER CAR ,, SHE HAS A BEAUTIFUL 1995 CONVERTABLE MUSTANG,FOUR YEARS AGO HE WANTED THE CAR PUT IN HIS NAME ( ITS IN MY NAME)AND I SAID NO ,, I SAID I WOULD PUT IT IN HER NAME ,,, AND THATS WHEN HE SAID SHE COULDNT HAVE IT ,,WE BROUGHT THE CAR WHEN SHE WAS 16 ,,,SHE SAID IF SHE TOOK THE CAR , SHE WOULD HAVE TO SEE ME ,, IN THE UNCHANGE ,, WHICH SHE WOULDNT ,, MY HUSBAND SAID ,, YOUR MOM LOVES YOU SO MUCH AND SHE SAID , I DONT CARE ,, MOM’S FAKE ,,,I KNOW IT SOUNDS BAD ,, BUT THE TONE OF HER VOICE WAS SO MUCH BETTER ,, ( WHEN I WAS MENTIONED THERE WAS NO ANGRY IN HER VOICE ,,FOR THE FIRST SINCE SHE LEFT,,,,PRAYING THIS IS A START FOR A HEALING FOR MY FAMILY ,,MY HUSBAND SHOCKED HER WHEN AFTER A FEW MIM’S HE HUNG UP FIRST YOU COULD HERE THE SURPRISE IN HER VOICE ,,PRAYING GOD WILL RESTORE OUR FAMILY AND PRAISEING HIM FOR THE PHONE CALL ,, JUST TO HEAR HER VOICE, HELPED ME SLEEP BETTER LAST NIGHT ,,WELL THANKS FOR LETTING ME VENT ,, YOU AND YOUR KIDS ARE IN MY PRAYERS, LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL
STILL HANGING IN THERE WE FOUND OUT FROM SOME PIC.’S WE SAW LAST WEEK OUR DAUGHTER IS PREGNANT WITH OUR FIRST GRANDCHILD,, I WOULD LOVE TO BE INVITED TO BE A PART OF THIS WITH HER THESE TIMES ONLY COME AROUND ONCE,, SHE DENIED EVEN BEING PREGNANT ,, WE DONT KNOW HOW FAR ALONG SHE IS ,, SHE MAY BE AROUND 4OR 5 MONTH’S BUT WE ARE NOT WELCOME TO BE ANY PART OF THIS BEAUTIFUL GIFT FROM GOD ,, AND MY HEART IS BROKEN THE TWO OF THEM HAVE TAKEN ALL MY HOPES AND DREAM’S AND THROWED THEM IN THE TRASH,,,,MY HUSBAND CALL’S ONCE IN AWHILE AND LATELY SHE HAS ANSWERED ,,TONIGHT HE CALLED TO LET HER KNOW THAT HER UNCLE IS IN STAGE 4 OF LUNG CANCER AND SHE COULD HAVE CARED LESS,, IT HURT’S ME SO BADLY SHE’S SO COLD AND HOLLOW ,, , THAT SHE CAN TREAT EVERY ONE WE KNOW FAMILY AND FRIENDS JUST LIKE MEAN ,, ,,I DONT KNOW MY CHILD ANY MORE, SHE IS NOT THE SWEET BEAUTIFUL YOUNG CHRISTIAN WOMEN THATI I RAISED , SHE IS A COLD HEARTLESS UNCARING PERSON ,, SHE MAKES NO AFFORT AT BEING CRULT,MEAN, LIE’S ABOUT EVERY THING AND NOTHING THAT MATTERING SHE WILL LIE ABOUT IT ,,I LOVE MY DAUGHTER VERY MUCH , SHE IS MY HEART ,
,, HER DADDY ASK HER AND HER HUSBAND TO COME TO THE FAMILY FOR THANKSGIVING, SHE SAID NO ,, JUST LIKE THAT IS THE RIGHT THING TO SAY,, SHE HAS NO MORALS, SHE DOESNT CARE ABOUT ANY ONES FEELING’S NOT EVEN HER OWN,,SHE ONLY LIVES TO PLEASE HIM ,, I HURT SO BAD FOR HER , I PRAY IF I NEVER SEE HER AGAIN THAT GOD WILL GET HER AWAY FROM HIM ,HE IS AN EVIL PERSON,I AM SO SAD FOR NOW THERE’S A BABY COMING INTO THIS ,, THANKS FOR LETTING ME VENT,, I AM VERY THANKFUL FOR PRAYERS ,,, AND TO YOU READING THIS AND ALL ON THIS WEB. ( THIS WEB USED TO BE PRETTY HOT,, DOESNT SEEN SO MUCH ANY MORE ,, I PRAY THATS BECAUSE ALL YOUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED THAT YOUR CHILDREN HAVE ALL COME BACK TO BE A PART OF THE FAMILY AND BE RESPECTFUL LOVING AND CARING,, AND TO PROSPER IN THERE OWN LIFE AND MOST OF ALL THAT THEY REDICATED THERE LIFE’S BACK TO JESUS CHRIST AND MOVE FORWARD IN HIS NAME ,, THE MASTER IS SO GREAT AND I KNOW HE IS GOING TO STEP IN AND MAKE ALL THINGS GOOD ,,,, MAY GOD BLESS I AM STILL PRAYING ,, WHEN I FALL HE IS RIGHT THERE TO PICK ME UP AGAIN ,, PRAISE HIM ,, HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU ALL GODS BLESSINGS ,,, LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST ,, CAROL
Hi Carol, My wife and I are still a ways from being grandparents, but I recently thought about what that would be like. So when I read that you are going to be a grandmother but that you won’t be able to see the grandchild it broke my heart for you. I am also sorry to hear about the uncle that is has cancer.
I pray that the Lord will grant you strength and that even though the clouds are very dark, that you will see a glimmer of daylight today.
DEAR CHRIS THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR THE PRAYERS, YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TO MANY PRAYERS ,,I DO FEEL THE PRAYERS, THE PEACE, THAT OUR FATHER GOD IN HEAVEN GIVES TO ME EVERY DAY ,I KNOW THAT IS BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY PRAYING FOR ME AND I APPRECIATE IT SO VERY MUCH,, WE HAVE AN AMAZING GOD , I AM SO THANKFUL TO HAVE GOD IN MY HEART AND IN MY DAILY WALK , PRAISE HIM ALWAYS IN GOOD AND BAD TIMES ,, CHRIS, I HOPE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY HAVE A WONDERFUL THANKGIVING AND CHRISTMAS & NEW YEAR ,, MANY BLESSINGS, LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL
Happy Thanksgiving to you Carol. I pray that your heart will be reminded in a special way that all that hurts about this life will soon be past when we are in the presence of the King. It’s hard to imagine how God will work everything together for good – - but, then that’s why he is God!
Carol,
I can totally relate to what you and your husband have been and are enduring. Our son-in-law, as mentioned a while back is addicted to his narcotic pain medications. So much going on…and we have never walked this path of pain before. Our daughter, like yours, has been brain washed. She really does not seem too interested that we be a part of our granddaughter’s life. She has bought into the lies and delusions of this sick man. If she has chosen to live this ugly life, as much as it hurts us, I have come to the realization…that is her decision; however, there is an infant now in the picture…she has no choice in this matter. Now, our hearts are so torn and broken. We pray nightly, daily, whenever we think of them….so torn. Holidays are roughest. We pray for you as well…may our Jesus bring you both comfort in all of this.
THANK YOU LOUISE, FOR YOUR CONFORTING WORD’S I APPRECIATE, YOU VERY MUCH, I FEEL YOUR PRAYERS, GOD DOES GIVE ME DAILY STRENGTH , ONLY BY THE HAND OF GOD AM I ABLE TO LIVE THIS KIND OF LIFE,,I COULD NEVER DO THIS ALONE I NEVER EVER THOUGHT THAT I WOULD ENDUR SUCH SADDNESS IN MY LIFE, EXCEPT WHAT WE ALL ENDUR, THE DEATH OF A LOVE ONE ,, I HAVE NEVER HAD AN EMMIES IN MY LIFE, AND AT AGE 57 ,FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS ,, MY OWN DAUGHTER CANT STAND TO EVEN HEAR THE SOUND OF MY VOICE ,,I PRAY TO THE FATHER FOR MY SON-IN-LAW AND MY GIRL TO SURRENDER TO HIM AND ONLY HIM , AND LIVE THE TRUE WORD OF GOD , IN HIS SON’S NAME JESUS CHRIST,,GOD IS SO AMAZING ,,I PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME , FOR WHAT HE IS GOING TO DO IN MY FAMILY ,,,AND I KNOW IN MY HEART HE WILL FIX THIS WEATHER IT IS TODAY OR 20 YEARS FROM NOW PRAYING FOR YOU ALL ,,MAY GOD BE WITH OUR CHILDREN ALWAYS ,, LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL
I haven’t tried to post anything here in a while, because my posts wouldn’t go through…but I’ll try here again. First, things are better, but not great, with our daughter. Next, I’ve prayed for your families, Carol and Louise…SO heartbreaking. Your families are in my prayers.
Since my last post went through, I just want to try to add…I’ve also prayed for your families, Pam and Kathy.
It is so hard to believe that ppl actually live through things like this. Also, that ppl…like our daughters make deliberate choices to marry ppl who are the total antithesis to what they grew up knowing, experiencing.
What I thought of today was the story of Job…how he continued to be faithful in his service to God, and offered sacrifices for his children. I will follow his example and have begun to offer sacrifices of prayer and praise to Him for not only our daughter, but other children who are “lost” in life. Carol, whether it takes a day or twenty years, as you so well said it, I leave it in His hands. He knows what is best. I also have read in Daniel where Daniel fasted and prayed for an answer. I go to the Rock of My salvation…no other Rock like our God…CAROL,I am going to offer up a special prayer for you tonight…and nights to come. I know how difficult it is when our eyes close…and the pain and agony is there. Jesus…take her agony, and that of others…bring Your gift of peace in their storms, and mine too! Thank-you, Lord for your loving kindnesses.
LOUISE,AMY,, THANK YOU BOTH FOR PRAYERS ,, I TO PRAY FOR YOU BOTH AND ALL ON THIS WEB,, I KNOW IN MY HEART OUR GOD IS IN CONTROL AND HE KNOW’S WHAT IS BEST FOR US ALL ,,,AND HIS WILL ,, WILL BE DONE ,, AND I UNDERSTAND AND TRY TO EXCEPT THAT MOST OF THE TIME,,,, BUT I DO LET TIMES CREEP IN , AND IT IS NICE TO VENT IT ALL ,,, TO PEOPLE THAT KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ,, THANK YOU MY CHRISTIAN FRIENDS ON THIS WEB SITE,,, YOU ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED ,,,LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL, BLESSINGS ALWAYS
I am so saddened to hear how things are going with many of you. You are all in my prayers. All we can do is pray and give it to our Lord. He is in control, never forget that. Sometimes through a very tough time our children are refined. I was a rebellious child, not proud of that, but God never let me go. Trust Him to not let go. I was in misery over many things concerning my oldest child for such a long time it seemed and then I had to let go and let God take over because I have four more that needed me. I found that while I was trying to control the situation, God was letting me. When I let go and put my trust in Him completely, that is when things gradually began to change. My daughter met a wonderful man and was married in October. They are going to church and living the life I dreamed she would live. She is so happy. We are very close, closer than ever before. I pray that God will open the eyes of your children’s and let them see that they are a child of a King and that they should not allow others or idols to treat them the way they are being treated. I pray God’s wonderful protection for your children. I pray comfort for you all and the love of God to surround you in such a way that this holiday season will bring joy in the midst of your grief. I pray for the things we can’t see as if they are. I pray for restoration for your families. Dear God, please hear my prayer in the name of my precious Savior, Your Son, Jesus Christ. Because of Him, we do have hope…May God Bless Each of You and Your Families during this Miraculous Christmas Season. I love you all!
Pam
PAM, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR PRAYERS AND ENCOURAGEING WORD;S ,,, I AM SO GLAD TO HEAR HOW WELL EVERY THING TURNED OUT FOR YOUR DAUGHTER AND THE TWO OF YOU TO HAVE SUCH A WONDERFUL RELATIONSHIP NOW ,,,PRAISE GOD FOR HIS GOODNESS ,, THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR STORY AND HAPPY ENDING ,, LOVE AND PRAYERS YOUR SISTER CAROL ,,
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL , AND PRAYING FOR AN AMAZING NEW YEAR ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I’LL BE PRAYING FOR YOU ALL ,,
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PLEASE REMEMBER MY HUSBAND AND I IN PRAYER, WE SENT OUR DAUGHTER AND SON-IN -LAW A CHRISTMAS CARD, I SENT IT TO HIS MOTHER’S AND THEY SENT IT BACK,I DONT KNOW WHY I LET THIS HURT ME SO MUCH ,,,,THIS IS CHRISTMAS NUMBER 5, THAT WE HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO SPEND WITH OUR ONLY CHILD, I THOUGHT I WAS DOING GOOD AND THEM THE CARD CAME BACK,I KNOW I SHOULDNT LET IT GET TO ME ,,, BUT THIS IS SO HARD, I AM SO MENTALLY TRIED,,, I PRAY THAT THIS GET’S EASIER IN 2012 ,, I AM ALMOST AT MY END ,,, THANKS FOR PRAYERS LOVE YOUR SISTER CAROL IN CHRIST ,,,,
Carol, I am so sorry to hear this. I am writing a book right now with Zondervan. And the people on this thread come to mind often when I am formulating a particular chapter in my mind. In fact, this week I read the book, Come Back Barbara, by C. John Miller in which he talks about a child that rebelled (and eventually came back).
I pray that the Lord will give you strength and peace and that you will be still and know that He is God and rest in Him even when you can’t understand such difficult times (Psalm 46).
Christ is all.
Chris.
CHRIS,I APPRECIATE PRAYER ,,THANK YOU SO MUCH ,, I KNOW IN MY HEART THAT GOD IS WITH ME , AND I KNOW HE IS WITH MY DAUGHTER ,,,,BUT I STRUGGLE , WITH MY FAITH OF WHEN GOD IS GOING TO BRING THIS TO AN END , IF EVER ,,,,,,ITS SO HARD WITH AN ONLY CHILD, I AM TRYING TO BE THERE FOR OTHERS OR JUST TRY TO DO FOR THOSE’S WHO HAVE NO ONE ,,, SO MUCH SADNESS IN SO MANY LIFE’S ,,,,LOVE CAROL
Oh Carol, I really don’t know the words to say, my heart just aches for you. Just know that you are in my prayers. Amy
I’m so sorry for your grief Carol. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to not get to communicate with one of my children, but please try for your own sanity to give it to God. Ask Him to speak to her heart and do your very best to be happy and let your light shine. Then, when you least expect it, a miracle will happen. I’m praying for you.
Merry Christmas!
Love,
Pam
Carol, what can I say? The pain that you and your husband are experiencing is soul piercing. There is nothing like it.
My husband and I, and our family are continuing to pray, esp for your daughter and that grandchild. We have, and are experiencing a similar situation. It seems the deeper they grow in their relationships with their abusive and controlling spouses, the harder our daughters become. Our daughter is totally changed…and she is not loving toward us at all. We did see them Christmas, last night…and then, they left very shortly after arising this morning. He would never allow our daughter, or the baby to be here…unless there is something in it for him. That “something” was the hopes of money gifts. I cannot put everything in writing what it is like watching what he does….to insure everything revolves around him.
We do not hear from our daughter…when we call, she is not allowed to talk to us…so, we know all too well what you are enduring. Yes, everything is in His hands…we have no other recourse…just hurts…like a big hole ripped into our hearts. This truly is the handiwork of the enemy of our souls.
God is good, and He is faithful…and I know that He has an eye on those situations that are brought before him in prayer. He neglects not His own….Love to you and your hubby…and hugs. Blessings to you and yours!
Carol, I prayed for you again today!
THANK YOU ALL FOR THE PRAYERS ,, I APPRECIATE YOU ALL SO MUCH ,,, MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL ALWAYS,, AND YOUR FAMILY’S ,, LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL ,,,,,
Please help me pray for my daughter Vera, She is talented, beautiful and very intelligent. The devil is trying all ways to steal and destroy, but he is a liar, and defeated at the cross by the blood of Jesus. Pray for Vera to get her act together, and to live and accomplish what God has set for her. Pray for me to have patience, love and wisdom on how to deal with her. Thank you
JUNE, I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOUR DAUGHTER,AND YOU ALSO ,,, I FEEL YOUR PAIN, I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS WHEN OUR CHILD, ACTS OUT ,,YOU AREN’T ALONE, MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU IN PRAYER ,, GOD BE WITH YOU ,, STAY CLOSE WITH GOD AND STAY STRONG IN HIS WORD , LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL
Dear June,
I am praying for you and your daughter, Vera. Let God guide you and trust Him. He is faithful and will not let you down. I pray peace for you and enlightenment for your daughter. Carol, you and your daughter are in my prayers also as is all the families I read about on this site.
Love,
Pam