Hurting parents are deeply wounded. They need a safe place to meet where they can share prayer requests and know that they are not alone. If you are a hurting parent, I would encourage you to just read the comments on a post from December, 2008. At the bottom of this post, I have some requests from my blog’s “hurting parents commenting community.”
Hurting parents were the reason I wrote a post over three years ago, How Should Parents Unpack Forgiveness with Rebellious Adult Children. In that post, I laid out a number of suggestions. In terms of content, the most important thing I did was point to a post by John Piper that shared 12 Ways to Love Your Wayward Child.
I did not anticipate how much I would learn from the comments on that post. Hurting parents have continued to encourage one another and share prayer requests for several years.
The Most Important Lesson I Learned from Hurting Parents
The most important lesson I learned as a pastor is that hurting parents need a safe place to meet. One commenter echoed many others when she wrote:
I am so glad that I found this website. Just reading that I am not alone gives me such comfort. Please pray for my situation. My 18 year old daughter has been rebellious since she was about seven years old. But in the end, she has always been repentant. She recently moved from our house to live with a woman who’s daughter my daughter started babysitting.
People who have known my daughter would be shocked to know how she acts at home. She’s worked with children at church since she was about 12 years old, she volunteers to help out at a lot of church functions, and she is praised as being one of the most responsible workers.
Because of this, I don’t feel comfortable confiding in people at church. One of her great qualities IS her helpful nature, at least with people outside immediate family.
In response to the comments of others, another hurting parent encourages:
Hey everyone! I have not forgotten you at all…in fact, I pray for you and your families..as we continue to walk through this maze of incredible agony. (As you are,as well)
My husband and I continue to leave this before our Heavenly Father…and we were just talking the other day about how we are not the only parents enduring this pain…I brought your name up, Carole. I mentioned to my husband that you and your husband have not seen your daughter for 5 Christmases. Also..mentioned that there is a grandchild involved as well. Do you know if it is a grandson or granddaughter,
Carol? Chris, what is the name of that book you are co-authoring? I believe we need to have support groups for people like us…there is too much to walk isolated. God never made us to be islands. Thank-you again,Chris for this website. Christ is our hope…and the hope for our lost sons and daughters…if they are lost, so are we…just in a sea of grief.
Over the three plus years people have been sharing on this thread, we have seen wonderful answers to prayer. One lady who has been estranged from her daughter and unable to see her baby granddaughter was so thankful when she shared:
MY DAUGHTER AND MY GRAND-BABY CAME AGAIN LAST FRI.20TH AND THEY CAME AT 11:00AM TIL 5:30PM,,,WE HAD A GREAT DAY ,, MY DAUGHTER AND THE BABY AND I JUST LAID ON THE FLOOR ON THE BLANKET,TALKED AND TALKED,I HELD MY GRAND BABY MOST OF THE DAY , SHE IS SO SWEET AND BEAUTIFUL ,MY DAUGHTER ALSO CALLED ME THIS PAST SUN. NIGHT 10:00PM AND SAID MOM I WANTED TO SAY HELLO AND TELL YOU I LOVE YOU,,,,,,I AM SO BLESSED ,OH YES, MY NEW NAME IS GRAMMY,,I AM PRAISING GOD FOR HIS FAITHFULNESS,,,,MY HUSBAND AND I ARE SO THANKFUL,,,,,,STILL NEED PRAYERS, BUT THE LORD IS WATCHING OUR DAUGHTER,THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT AND MANY PRAYERS
Here are the Requests for My Hurting Parents Commenting Community
First, we need to move the comments to this post. The main reason is that the comment thread on the original post is closing on 300. As a result, there are some technical problems that surface occasionally which I don’t know how to solve. So if you have been commenting on the original post, please move your comments to this one.
Second, even if you are not a hurting parent, you know hurting parents. You might encourage them by sending them by the original post to read all the comments. It is such an encouragement for people to realize they are not alone. It helps a great deal if you share this page on Facebook or through Twitter.
Third, I want to ask those of you who have been hurting parents for a number of years to share what you have learned from your journey. Continue to share your prayer requests. But also share what you have been learning through your journey as a hurting parent.
As a mom to an eleven year old boy. My hope and prayer is that our relationship will continue to grow stronger everyday. My heart goes out to those who have a strained relationship with there kids. I wish I could hug each of them individually. I’m so thankful that you are supporting and encouraging them.
Please prsy for my 17 year old daughter. So well behaved outside the home but it is mostly people pleasing, seeking approval. In the home just full of hate, rebellion towards me. It is like she is full of pain, blames me for it and wants to make me pay. After so many years of this irrational behaviour that disrupts my whole life I really cannot take anymore. She really needs Jesus but keeps seeking love in friendships with boys and when they crumble she falls apart (and takes it out on me.) I am so tired of seeing her go through this hurting cycle over and over (she will not allow me to ever comfort, guide or love her). I am a single parent with huge pressures. Please pray for her, she is really lost and in so much pain.
Thank you, Louise. We’ve actually written out specifics on what to pray about in our situation with our daughter. And you have added a new way to pray. I SO want to become a stronger person, and a stronger Christian, through this situation, but I just feel that I’ve become weak. I believe that adding the prayer that you suggested will help me toward the goal…it’s a whole new way to think and pray.
I don’t believe that my daughter has a problem with drugs or alcohol…her problem started when she was about seven. But she used to know that when she was sinning, she was wrong. She also definitely had control over what she was doing…she absolutely NEVER let people outside of the family see the nightmare that she was putting us through.
Now, after being surrounded by many other people who are immature, and very much “drama” — sorry, but I can’t really think of any other way to put it, she just feeds off the sympathy from her young friends. They all seem to enjoy talking about how everyone on earth treats each of them badly. At least that’s my impression, and it’s what my younger daughters have witnessed.
I’m continuing to pray for you all,
Amy
Rebecca, I’ve prayed for you and your son…SO happy that you have a strong, loving relationship!
Oh Sally, I just read your comment. I’ve prayed for you and your daughter. In some ways your family sounds so different from mine, but your daughter’s “at home” vs. “away from home” attitudes and actions sound just like my daughter’s. She’s now living away from home, but family(especially me) is her enemy…people to take all her anger out on, even though we’ve done our best to show her God’s love and mercy, and give her chance after chance.
Amy
HELLO ALL,, THANK YOU LOUISE AND AMY I APPRECIATE YOUR COMENTS,,,I DO UNDERSTAND LOUISE WHAT YOU ARE SAYING THAT YOUR DAUGHTER CAME FOR A WHILE THEN STOPPED ,,,,WE ARE TRYING TO GO SLOW,,, MOSTLY WE LISTEN AND PRAY ,,,,WE LET HER TELL US WHAT SHE WANTS, AND ASK NO QUESTIONS,,,WE KNOW THAT HE IS IN CONTROLL AND HE TEXT HER THE WHOLE TIME OF OUR VISIT OR HIS MOTHER WILL CALL ,, WE SAY NOTHING,,SHE HAS OPENED UP SOME ,,SHE TELLS US THINGS THAT SHE BELIEVE’S WE DONT BELIEVE ANYTHING HE SAYS ,, SAD,,HE LIE’S ABOUT EVERYTHING,,,,,WE ARE PRAYING SHE WILL SEE THIS HER SELF,,,,,,,THEY ARE IN CHURCH,,WHICH WE ARE THANKFUL,,,,AND THEY ARE CLOSE WITH ANOTHER CHRISTIAN COUPLE,,,,AND WE ARE THANKFUL FOR THAT ,,,,,,OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN IS LEADING US ,,,,WE HAD A GOOD VISIT YESTERDAY ,, WE TOOK PICTURES OF US ALL ,, MY FAMILY ARE SO HAPPY TO SEE PIC’S OF THE BABY AND MY DAUGHTER,,,I GOT THE BABY SOME THINGS,, AND MY DAUGHTER WAS VERY APPRECIATETIVE,,JUST LIKE SHE USE TO BE BEFOR HIM,,IT WAS NICE SEEING HER LIKE HER OLD SELF,WE ARE PRAISEING GOD FOR HIS AMAZING GRACE,,,,,,,STILL PRAYING OUR GIRL WILL SEE HIM FOR WHAT HE IS WORTH,,,,,,WE ARE 99% SURE NO DRUGS OR ALCOHOL WHICH IS A GREAT THING,,PRAISE GOD FOR THAT ,,,,,,THANKS FOR PRAYERS AND ALL THE SUPPORT,,,PRAYERS ALWAYS NEEDED ,,,GOD BE WITH EACH AND EVERY FAMILY ON THIS WEB SITE ,,,,LOVE IS CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL ,,HUGS,,,
JUST A UPDATE,,,,,SO,,FAR,,SO,,GOOD WITH OUR DAUGHTER AND GRANDBABY ,, MY DAUGHTER JUST CALLED ME TO TELL US THE BABY IS GETTING HER FIRST TOOTH ,,, IT MAKES ME FEEL HAPPY THAT SHE WANTS TO SHARE THINGS TO US ABOUT OUR G-BABY ,,,,,SHE HAS COME TO VISIT US EVERY WEEK FOR THE PAST SIX WEEKS AND CALL’S 1 OR 2 TIMES A WEEK ,,,TO UP DATE US ON THE BABY,,WE DONT TALK ABOUT THE PAST AT ALL ,,,GOD WILL LET US KNOW THE TIME FOR THAT ,,WE PRAY AND LISTEN AND ENJOY OUR TIME TOGETHER ,,,,,HER HUSBAND HASNT CHANGED AT ALL,,HE DOESNT COME WITH HER ,,HE DOESNT WORK,SHE WORKS AND TAKES CARE OF ALL THINGS,,,,HE DOES CARE FOR THE BABY WHILE SHE WORKS,,BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD ,,I SEE AND HEAR FROM MY GIRL AND G-BABY EVERY WEEK ,,,AND I AM GREATFUL FOR THAT ,,I PRAY IT LAST FOR EVER,,,AND I PRAISE GOD,,, FOR NOW ,,TODAY,, ONE DAY AT A TIME ,,,,,,,LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL
Carol, You are very wise to give the relationship time to heal before trying to unpack the past. I am SO thankful you can hold this little baby. I pray that she will grow up to be a godly woman.
THANK YOU PASTOR CHRIS,, GOD IS SO AMAZING,, HE SAID HE WOULD ANSWER OUR PRAYERS ,, AND HE IS FAITHFUL TO HIS WORD ,,,WE ARE SO THANKFUL FOR HIS GRACE ,,,OUR G-BABY IS A BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL ,, I WRITE ALL THIS IN HOPE THAT THIS WILL ENCOURAGE OTHER’S TO KEEP PRAYING NEVER GIVE UP ON OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN ,,,I WILL ALWAYS PRAY FOR ALL PARENTS AND CHILDREN ON THIS WEB SITE ,,MAY GOD HELP US ALL ,,MY LOVE AND PRAYERS CAROL
Carol,
PRAISE GOD!!!
— Amy
Dear Heavenly Father, please open Kimmi’s heart to feel your Love and her ears to hear your loving voice. Please help her find herself trough you and heal her aching heart.(and mine too dear Lord!) Heal my family, please sweet Jesus.
I am a single mother of four lovely girls. Kimmi is 19 and the last born. She is in total rebellion and experementing with drugs and alcohol. She has been missing for the last four days and believes we all hate her. Please help me to love her in a way that will heal her and not destroy her. She is at war with all of us. Dear Father please hear our prayers. Amen
HELLO, JUST WANT TO SAY YOU ALL ARE IN MY PRAYERS ALWAYS,,,,MAY GOD BE WITH US ALL AND OUR CHILDREN,, PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME ,, WE PRAYED FOR 5 VERY VERY LONG YEARS, FOR OUR DAUGHTER,TO BE BACK IN OUR LIFE’S,, AND BY HIS GRACE, SHE IS BACK IN OUR LIFE ALONG WITH OUR DARLING GRANDBABY AND EVERY THING IS GOOD ,AND GETTING BETTER EACH DAY ,,,WE JUST ENJOY OUR TIME TOGETHER, OUR SON IN LAW IS STILL HERE AND MOSTLY THE SAME ,, BUT THATS OK , WE KNOW THAT GOD IS WORKING ON HIM , AND GIVING US STRENGTH TO DEAL WITH HIM ITS NOT EASY, BUT WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE, AND WE ARE THANKFUL, ,,THE PAST IS GONE AND HAS NO USE IN OUR FUTURE WE ARE TRYING HARD TO FORGIVE AND FORGET AND WITH GOD ALL IS BETTER MORE AND MORE AND WE ARE THANKFUL FOR HIS FAITHFULNESS , PRAISE HIM ,,,,NEVER, NEVER GIVE-UP ON GOD,( SOMETIMES IT HARD NOT TO GIVE UP ON GOD WHEN WE ARE HURTING SO BADLY,WE ARE ONLY HUMAN,,SOME TIMES IT SO HARD TO SIT AND SAY NOTHING,BUT MOSTLY WE HAVE NO CHOICE,) ITS ALL IN HIS TIME,I LOVE AND PRAY FOR ALL OF YOU AND PRAISE GOD FOR THIS WEB SITE, THAT HELPED ME PAST MANY, MANY, BAD BAD DAYS, MONTHS AND YEAR’S THANK YOU GOD FOR PASTOR’S CHRIS HAVING THIS WEB FOR US ALL ,,,,,LOVE AND PRAYERS TO YOU ALL , LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL ,, HUGS ,,,
PADDY HANG ON TO GOD AND DONT LET GO NO MATTER WHAT,,, I FOUND THAT THE MORE I LISTEN AND NOT GIVE MY OPINION ALL THE TIME THE BETTER THINGS CAN BE ,SOME TIMES WE HAVE TO SMILE AND PRAY,, AND BELIEVE ME ITS NOT EASY ,,,, JUST BE THERE AND LET THEM SEE FOR THERE SELF’S WHAT THEY ARE LETTING CONTROL THERE LIFES,,,,,,,YOU WILL BE AMAZED AT THE FEED BACK YOU GET BACK FROM YOUR CHILDREN,,I RAISED MY DAUGHTER AND I WAS ALWAYS IN CONTROL LIKE ALL GOOD PARENTS SHOULD BE ,,, ( I WAS TEACHING HER,ABOUT LIFE , WHAT WAS GOOD AND BAD FOR HER LIFE,, SHE IS 23 ,, AND NOW HE IS IN CONTROL OF HER,, YES, IT SADDENS ME TO SEE, THAT SHE ALLOW’S SOME PEOPLE TO TREAT HER BADLY ,BUT I CANT HELP HER IF SHE DOESNT SEE IT THE SAME WAY AS ME,,,SHE HAS TO SEE FOR HER SELF, THAT HER HUSBAND AND SOME OTHERS USES HER ,, HE DOESNT WORK OR DO ANYTHING ELES AND HE TELLS HER WHAT, WHEN, AND HOW SHE DOES EVERYTHING,WHEN SHE CAN VISIT US OR CALL US ,,HE EVEN CALLED MY HUSBAND THE OTHER DAY AND TOLD HIM TO ONLY BUY OUR DAUGHTER LEGGO’S FOR CHRISTMAS ,, HOW SILLY IS THAT, HE’S 25 GOING ON 5 ,, HE IN NO WAY ACT’S ANYTHING CLOSE TO A MAN ,,HE DOES NOTNING TO EVEN COME CLOSE OF BEING A HUSBAND OR FATHER BUT HE CLAIM’S TO BE THE HEAD OF THE HOUSE BECAUSE GOD SAID,,,HE HASNT A CLUE WHAT GOD MEAN’S BY THE MAN IS THE HEAD,WE HELPED OUR DAUGHTER GET A NICE SAFE CAR FOR HER AND HER BABY AND NOW HE WONT LET HER DRIVE IT TO WORK,, SHE WALK’S,, IT ABOUT TEN MILES BOTH WAYS IT HURTS US,IT DOESNT KILL HER TO WALK, IT JUST THE IDEA OF IT ,, ITS MEAN ,,, IT JUST ABOUT KILL’S US ,,,,I KNOW SEEING YOUR DAUGHTER OUT OF CONTROL, IS KILLING YOU BUT I KNOW ITS HARD BUT DONT TALK TO HER ABOUT IT, CAUSE SHE KNOW DRUGS ARE WRONG,, SHE WONT LISTEN ANYWAY AND IT WILL TURN IN TO HER GETTING MAD,,,, (MY DAUGHTER SAID TO ME, I THOUGHT YOU WOULD FREAK OUT MOM WHEN I TOLD YOU THAT MY HUSBAND, DOESNT WORK OR DO ANYTHING,,,HAHA WELL SHE DOESNT KNOW BUT YES I GOT VERY UP SET BUT NOT IN FRONT OF HER )AND WHEN YOUR GIRL COMES HOME LET HER KNOW THAT YOU ARE THERE FOR HER ,, THAT DOESNT MEAN YOU AGREE ,WITH HER ,BUT I FOUND THAT IF WE GIVE IT ALL TO GOD AND LET HIM TAKE CARE OF IT,,,I KNOW IT HARD TO BE STILL BUT WE GOT TO LET GOD AND WAIT,, MY DAUGHTER AND I DONT FIGHT, I BIT MY TONGUE ,,,,,I CANT TELL YOU PADDY HOW BADLY I WANT TO SAY SOME THING ,, BUT I WANT MY DAUGHTER IN MY LIFE MORE ,,,PADDY YOU CAN TALK TIL YOUR BLUE IN THE FACE, JUST LIKE I DID ,,,I DONT CLAIM TO KNOW IT ALL ,,, BUT FOR ME, I GET TO BE APART OF MY DAUGHTER AND GRANDBABIES LIFE’S WHEN I STAY STILL AND GIVE IT TO GOD ,I THINK NO MATTER WHAT WE ALL WANT OUR CHILDREN TO BE A PART OF OUR LIFES ,, OUR CHILDREN BELONG TO GOD , AND HE WILL LOVE THEM WHEN THEY ALLOW HIM ,, AND HE WILL HELP US AS PARENTS LET HIM ,,, ITS HARD,I PRAY FOR YOU PADDY, AND YOUR GIRL, OUR CHILDREN CAN HURT US SO BADLY,KNOW YOUR NEVER ALONE ,, MANY, MANY PARENTS DEAL WITH THERE CHILDREN, EVEN CHRISTIAN’S,,,,LOVE AND PRAYERS LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL
SORRY ,,,,ON MY POST I MEANT TO SAY THAT GOD LOVES ALL HIS CHILDREN BUT THEY HAVE TO LISTEN TO GOD FOR OUR PRAYERS TO BE ANSWERED,, MY PRAYER WAS I ALWAYS SAID ,, GOD PLEASE LET SOMEONE CROSS MY DAUGHTERS PATH, SO SHE CAN SEE, AND HE DID A GOOD CHRISTIAN GIRL CAME INTO HER LIFE,,I STILL PRAY THAT SAME PRAYER, GODS BLESSINGS TO ALL ,,,,,,,,,
While desperately searching for inspiration and hope for my broken heart, I stummbled across this site. I am completely overwhelmed by the number of heart broken parents who actually share in my pain.
My husband and I have 4 children, 3 living in the home. We are missionaries in Peru. I have a son, 18, who is in the USAF based in CA.
My heartbreak is that my oldest son has never accepted the Lord. Although he knows his Bible inside and out and has spent his entire life in Church,he has never professed being a Christian. Despite this, he and I have always been very close. He was born to me when I was very young and rebellious. Yes, I was a wayward child. However, because I was young and he was the first grandchild, nephew, etc. he was “special” to us. He had a very close relationship with my parents and 3 sisters. That is until a month ago…
Although he has always been in and out of trouble, he always LOVED family. However, on leave from the USAF a month ago, he stole a large amount of money from my very poor parents, lied to everyone, moved in with my sisters soon to be ex-husband (right after he openly admitted to cheating their entire 20 yr marriage and didn’t care), dumped my deceased grandfathers belongings as a retired vet from the USAF in rural MT dirt road ditch (thank the Lord they were found by a complete stranger who saw a family name,googled it, found my parents and mailed them to them), changed his phone number so nobody can call him, deleted his contact info, etc, etc. My dad had co-signed a new car for him and bought him a GPS just days before he turned on the family. My dad is so devastated. This ordeal caused him to have a very serious heart attack. My son knows of this and never reached out to him. he steals, lies, and cheats. He was not raised this way! He has disowned us all. He and I were so close and this has me more hurt and broken than I have ever been in my entire life. It feels like a death in the family. He won’t even talk to his 14 yr old brother and 13 and 8 yr old sisters. The hurt and devastation is far reaching. Where did my son go? Hewas never a believer but where are the morals and values he was taught? Why the sudden disownment of family when we thought he loved and cherished us? I know God is in control but my broken heart is just crushed!
It has been a month since I have spoken with him. Before all of this mess had taken place. I am so angry over hurt he has cause to so many people, yet sad that I have lost my son. Exhausted as we continue to hear from others the terrible things he has done. Not sure my heart can take any more!
I am so sorry for you all. I will pray for your children and families as I pray for my own. Praying there will one day be a happy ending, but trusting God is soverign.
Trusting in this verse: “They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.” Psalm 112:7
Hi Kim,
I’m very sorry for what you are going through and the sin your son is in. I will pray for you and him and your family today. God does hear our prayers. I posted on here 3 months ago about my rebellious child and things have greatly improved. I do not think she is saved yet, but the acting out has nearly all stopped. Praise the Lord! I will continue praying she fully surrenders to the Lord and knows Him fully.
There is hope, only God can change your son, as you know, so lets all keep praying for each others lost children here on this site. If its any consolation, at least you know where your sons heart is at, and that he is lost, which is harder to discern in children who are playing the rebellious game; doing all the right things on the outside, seeking approval in the religious system, but completely seperated from God on the inside. Although it is harder for us with outwardly rebellious children, in some ways we are on a better foot: we know what we are dealing with and get down to praying for their salvation or return to the Lord. Please know the Lord will give you the strength you need, and keep seeking only Him for your specific direction. At times in the past, in the midst of the worst of it, I turned to other Christians for advice, who although were well meaning, gave advice like the world would give. Be careful who you listen to and follow the Lord only.
I cam across this video the other day, and I just thought of it as I was writing my reply. I believe it may encourage you.
http://illbehonest.com/Never-Give-Up-Praying-for-Your-Loved-Ones-Salvation-Don-Johnson
May God bless you.
Thank you Sally for your words of encouragement and hope. I am grateful that I know where his heart is, for he has made it abundantly clear. However, because I know where his heart is at I know exactly how I need to pray. I am happy to hear your daughter seems to be finding her way back. My prayer for my son is that he will be awakened to all that he was taught and that God will use this to draw and save him. It is my only hope. Until then I find peace in the loving grace of our Father. He knows my tears and sadness. I will use this time to glorify Him!Thank you, my new friend, for you were used by Him to comfort me. 🙂
Hello everyone, I have just started reading through some your posts tonight. I struggle with a 21 year old daughter who has chosen to become estranged from my family because of a controlling husband.
It started a little over a year ago when she met this man at work. Her interest was sparked by the fact he stated he was a christian and went to a christian school(my daughter really knew the importance of a Christian man, because God instructed her to get out of her previous relationship because the man she was seeing didn’t believe in God). So my daughter, convinced this man must be a good christian, starting dating him. This is when everything starting really going south for her and I.
My daughter started going against rules her father, I and her had made together, and was coming home whenever she felt like it. The problem is, I have two younger daughters who look up to their older sister for guidance. Needless to say, the law was put down to both her and her new boyfriend. I also spoke to her boyfriend about how important it was to keep my daughter pure in the eyes of God. Five days later he got my daughter pregnant under his parent’s roof.
It only took three months for her father and I to plan a wedding, only to be accused of doing it for our own benefit. The night before my daughter got married she got into a horrible fight with me. Things have never been the same since.
Since the wedding we began to see controlling behaviors from our son-in-law. My daughter’s phone number and e-mail had been changed, along with her Facebook account being deleted. They both chose to move in with his parents (who are also controlling)who live 35 minutes away. My daughter quit her job and found another job to only have to quit that one too. Since she was still in school, she had to ride the bus to get to school. He decided he needed her car (he has his own car)and made her take the bus until she was eight and half months pregnant. We were lucky to see my daughter twice a month through her whole entire pregnancy, even though the job she was working at the time was two blocks from our home.
I have to leave out so much out, but basically his parents told my daughter they would not come to the hospital to see the baby if my husband and I were there. My son-in-law’s mother also said she did not want me or my family at the baby shower she was planning on throwing for my daughter.
My daughter did have me in the delivery room, but my son-in-law asked me many different times to leave because he supposedly needed bonding time for him and my daughter. He also informed me that I was not to tell anyone from my family any information about the baby because he wanted to…and nothing was to be posted on Facebook (I could understand that). So a few minutes after the baby was born he asked me to leave. The problem is he never showed up with the announcement to my family that had been waiting there for hours. Not only that, he brought his family in, (the ones that were not suppose to show up)made the announcement to them…forgetting about our family.
My son-in-law got what he wanted…nobody in my daughter’s family were invited to her baby shower.
My daughter and her husband stayed with us only one week before he decided he was ready to go back to his parent’s house. That was the end of August, and I have only seen my grand-daughter
six times since then.
My daughter is no longer the same person. She seems to lie for him and has become very passive to him and aggressive to us. The three times she has seen us without her husband we have had no problems. It’s when he is there the problems arise.
Yesterday was Holloween, and I had knitted a skunk outfit for the baby with my daughter’s permission. My daughter said she would come over. But somehow she got in a fight with over me crocheting her a skunk outfit (she said it was not my place). She is always fighting me about having control over her (I believe this comes from her being controlled). Needless to say, I didn’t get to see my grand-baby, and didn’t get to see her in the costume I have spent countless hours on.
There are so many more things that I am sure I will fill you in as I go down this heart wrenching journey. But through every trial and tribulation…God is always there.
Thank you everyone for your posts, this site was an answer to prayer. I am excited to get to know all of you; my sister’s and brother’s in Christ.
God Bless!
Laurly and others,
I have just now had the opportunity to return here to read posts..and leave a reply. Reading your posts sound just like our own…long story very short…our daughter is in the same situation…we did the samething, Lauraly…2 weeks before they were to be married, we were notified…then have had the same accusations. Seems as if these people have ingested the same script. That marraige was 3 years ago…so…fast forward…we were only allowed into their lives when THEY needed something…money…whatever else was on their list. Today, we are on the OUT list..why? We no longer pay their electric bills…nor do we give them cash…never have and never will. Our daughter is now royally a mess..she is not the strong Christian young woman…he has totally reduced her to a certified nutcase…along with the drugs..also..they have an 18 month old girl, whom we are not allowed to see. Have contacted CPS hotline…that turned out to be a dead end…why? The department where they live is corrupt…and his stepfather found out who reported them…this is so long and involved..just wanted you to know, you are not alone in this. Yes, we pray…and have prayed and continue to do so…but the deeper wounding due to a corrupt police department…the baby is the innocent one…our daughter is a mess…cannot think her way out of any situation. She is a prisoner…true..this is a prison of her own making…went against all our advice and warnings 5 years ago. We continue to pray…and will add you all to our list…nothing like seeing our children walk that broad path to destruction. Makes us see the heartache of our Jesus when He watches this go on! God bless you all…may you find peace during these drk moments.
We have a 20 year old daughter that was homeschooled from 6th grade on, mostly due to her rebellious spirit, especially boys. She never thought herself pretty, has awful acne problem, and any guy that looked twice she was crazy over. She did try to be modest most of the time, and her dad gave her a purity ring years ago, after a nice dinner. She seemed to embrace the idea, to love God and us. This weekend she got mad because I said no to her about going with me to see my dad at the hospital, and asked her to help her dad out, because he had a bad headache. Our youngest hadn’t been to see him at all, so it was her turn, and about 2 hours away. On the way home that evening I found out she had disappeared without a word. No idea of who with or where. She doesn’t have her own car, so knew someone came for her. Spent a couple of crazy days- praying, crying, wanting to know she was ok, blaming myself for her leaving. Now I know her boyfriend’s mom told her she could stay with them. There isn’t room in that house for their family, so no idea where she sleeps. So angry, not just at our child, but at the other parents. The least they could’ve done was tell us she was ok & they had no right to invite her to live with them. THey claim to be Christians, but it doesn’t look very good to ruin her reputation, to let us worry, etc. She is so full of anger. I have asked her younger sister to “unfriend” her on facebook, since I no longer know what she puts on there (yes, she “unfriended” her own mother), to protect her. Now dealing with question from youngest daughter that is old enough to understand, about the rights/wrongs, how could her sister say one thing, even talk about purity, yet do this? Hard questions. Our oldest often said we were best friends, she went on missionary trips, gave generously to church and charity, volunteered all summer at a Christian camp- even I don’t understand. How do we help her? With much younger siblings, how do we protect them, yet allow a relationship with her? Praying for wisdom. Have been highly involved with church, homeschool group until a year ago, when she said a boy from there made her take inappropriate pictures a few years back. We did go to pastor, but he said with time already passing, not to do anything. So, been looking for a church and lost all of our friends. We go most every service….somewhere. No good support near us. What can we do?
Dear Tammy,
I am so very sorry I have not replied before this…we are continuing to live the nightmare you are now entering. Pray…read His Word..when life hands you lemons…read His Word. Pray for your daughter as if HER life depends on it. Then, turn your broken lives to concentrate on those still in the family fold. Do not neglect those around you. From one broken mom’s heart to another…He does hear your prayers…be they silent or spoken…tears are a language He understands. If there are no support systems for you and your family…invent one, under a Christian leading. That is what my hubby and I have decided to do…our New Year project..to turn this pain into a positive solution. You are in our prayers…and remember, He makes intercession daily before the Father. God Bless and keep you and your family. Those days of heart ache, numbing pain…will pass. We just do not know the when. Read His Word…and read those promises back to Him. Much love, In Christ…
Dan and Louise Kramer
Also, forgot to address the deception, etc. your daughter has decided to employ. Everything she is doing…esp the unfriending on facebook…these are all signs of “hiding” her activities from you. Our daughter has done the same things…the day will come when your daughter and ours will find the end of themselves…so, she is doing you a favpr hiding her life from you. Pray that she comes to the bottom of this quickly…and also for peace to encompass you and your family. She is 20 years old now…an adult in the eyes of the law. We sent our daughter a note 4 years back…stated we loved her…nothing she would do would change that. Her life has continued to spiral way out of control..needless to say, it is a heartache and grief for us…but the guilt our daughter and yours must have to live with everyday they wake up…and when they go to sleep at night! Ask Him to see it all through His eyes…it helps.
DEAR FRIENDS,,THINKING OF YOU ALL, MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU ALL DAILY,,,,,ALL IS GOOD WITH OUR DAUGHTER AND GRAND BABY ,,,OUR SON IN LAW HAS CHANGED VERY LITTLE ,, HE STILL WONT WORK,,BUT OUR DAUGHTER SEENS TO BE OK WITH IT ,,,,,MY HUSBAND AND I ARE FROM THE OLD SCHOOL TO WHERE A MAN WORKS AND TAKES CARE OF HIS FAMILY ,,,WELL WE REALIZES THING COULD BE MUCH WORST,,,SO WE BE QUIET AND PRAY AND I AM VERY THANKFUL THAT ALEAST OUR DAUGHTER WILL WORK AND CARE FOR HER BABY AND HERSELF(HIM TO )THERE IS ALOT TO SAY BUT MY HUSBAND AND I ARE TRYING TO LET GOD TAKE CARE OF HIM, AND BY BEING QUIET IN WE TURN WE GET TO HAVE A RELATION SHIP WITH OUR GIRLS ,,,,I AM NOT SAYING ITS EASY,,,SOMETIMES I ALMOST BITE MY TONGUE OFF,,,,,,,,,,,,I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW THAT I FEEL YOUR PAIN AND I WILL ALWAYS THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR PRAYERS,, I WILL ALWAYS PRAY FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY,,,,,,,LOVE AND PRAYERS IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL MY DAUGHTER WAS GONE FOR 5 YEARS , WE NEVER STOPPED PRAYING , OUR GOD IS FAITHFUL ,, PRAISE HIM ,,,,,,,,
It’s wonderful to see that things are continuing to go well with your relationship with your daughter, Carol!
I’m praying for all of you who are writing on this page. It’s incredibly sad to think of all of these hurting parents and families(including mine). I know that the most important thing we can all do is to pray. It’s also a great comfort to feel, well, NOT alone. Even when I don’t FEEL it, I still KNOW it…God is in control, and He loves us and He loves our children. Some days, that’s the only thing that holds me together.
I’m not sure if anyone is still posting to this site, but I need prayer for two of my adult children. A 34yr. old (this year) that had an accident and has been on prescription drugs and abusing them. He will talk to me, but it unsaved and won’t admit he has a problem. His physical appearance is evident that he has a problem. Please pray in agreement with me that God will put the right people in his path and open his spiritual eyes and ears so that he hears and sees God–LOUD AND CLEAR! Also, I have an almost 22 year old daughter who suffers from depression and lives with me and her step father who she loves very much. She has been on an anti-depressant for about 9 months to a year now, and has been doing ok on them. She just told me that she is coming off them, and just wants to be normal, but I suspect she has abruptly stopped. She chewed me out for asking where she was night before last because she never came home. She had texted me earlier after 4 ignored texts from me to find out if she was okay. She said she was fine and didn’t know what time she would be home. This is not normal for her to be this rude and disrespectful. Please pray in agreement with me that God will also open her spiritual eyes and ears so that she will have to see Him and know Him. Any feedback would be appreciated. She believes in God, but has never been saved.
My heart aches for all of these people who have lost their children to??? My daughter recently told us that unless we accepted her husband, who ordered us off of his property, stole our horse trailer, and prevented us from seeing their three children, our grandchildren, one of which we basically raised for 8 years, and most of all degraded my husband.. that our relationship was “broken”, and would remain broken. We knew that this was a mistaken marriage from the start, but supported it…wrong! Our daughter has been brainwashed from day 1. She does not even sound like herself at all. Our hearts ache everyday. We have had 4 deaths in our family within 7 months, and this is like another death. Please pray for God’s intervention.
Dear Pam,
You have expressed it thoroughly and to the point…it is another death. You do and will go through that grieving process…but this never ends. You do come to the place where He makes it plain and known to you that it is in His hands..the whole thing. Then, there is this peace He gives to you. Both my husband and I came to that place last year. Well, long story short…after nearly 6 years of this nightmare, my husband fell suddenly ill in December. He passed away 12 weeks ago. His illness brought our wayward and lost daughter back into the house…1 week before he passed away. Our relationship is fragile, we cannot go to her trailor, cannot talk with the child, etc….but, she is now calling me. She is expecting second child in December…her husband is like your son-in-law: brainwasher, manipulator, abuser of drugs, and does not work…she works full time and supports them all, and the list goes on and on. I am praying for you and your family…I understand the pain all to well…i also know the peace of knowing He has everything in His hands. So very saddened by this loss…keep praying for your daughter and children..
Pam and Louise, I pray for you both. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through.
Pam – – -I know how hard you have worked at being a good mom and grandma. I pray that God will be with you and Steve.
Louise, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. I pray that God will grant you grace and strength.
My words are so inadequate.
Thank-you, Chris, for those kind words. Our family is navigating through this with the words you used..His grace and His strength. He is faithful…and He is good. As my husband would say…”It is just another bump in the road to go over. He will do the leading.”
Thank-you, again, for this website. It has been comforting to walk with others in similar situations and to read how He has been working with them through all of their pain and agony of soul. God bless you and your family!
Louise, thank you for your comment and prayers. I am so sorry about your husband and my prayers are with you. Our son-in-law is a hard worker, and no drugs, except the drug of keeping his family under his belt on his ranch and under HIS influence. My daughter believes everything he says as “gospel”, and believes there is NO ONE greater than him, even though it means giving up her family and long term friends. He thinks he and God “have an understanding”!!…I think it means, “you leave me alone, and I’ll leave you alone”! We have not seen our daughter or their 3 children in a year. My heart breaks for the oldest(his stepson), that he is being brainwashed as well. We can only pray that his first 8 yrs. with us will stay in his mind, and that he will somehow be able to get back to church. We are holding on to hope!
Pam,
You are most welcome for the prayers…they continue. I believe your prayers and tears prayers will be saved in a bottle…until the time is ready for the ground to be watered by all the prayers and tears…He knows the timing for both our lost ones. the lost ones include their children and spouses. The heart of God is always softened for the lost…all of them. He does have a plan for them. We just stand and wait…Hope will carry us through. He is the Father of all…He created every soul, and every soul is His…whether each one realizes it now or not. Take care…and have Peace!
Louise, thank you, and God bless you!!!
I don’t even want to detail what is going on in our lives for fear that someone we know, or our children, would stumble across it and recognize themselves. I have found that sharing the bad stuff about them somehow ends up getting back to them and then they think we hate them. I don’t know how to get them to see that we LOVE them, except by stopping telling people about what is driving my husband and I to despair, and quitting telling them they are wrong / we are worried, and just love them. There isn’t a lot of tension in any of our relationships anymore since we “shut up”, but there isn’t really any depth, either. They are all three in varying degrees of being prodigals. As each one “went”, our hearts broke further. At the beginning we were glad the other 2 were “good kids”. Then thankful for the 1. Now we feel like a rowboat out to sea in a thunderstorm, just beaten and battered from all sides. Added to this are some issues in my husband’s family, and some in mine. I can identify with all of your heartbreak, we feel it, too, deeply. This is easily the most painful period of my life. I alternate between all of your responses and suggestions when dealing with this. Sometimes some work better for awhile, then something else will. The scariest part is knowing that they have free will to accept Jesus or not. The easiest part is loving them. But the hardest part is being hurt over and over, and having to forgive each of them daily. And through church and prayer and counselors and ministers, we heal a little. But the wound never fully heals or closes, one of them rips it out again. We have almost daily contact with each of them, depending on how far apart they live. So we are someone in their lives on that superficial level. They are all still financially dependent on us, as well, which further muddies the waters. Oh, sorry. I know I painted a really sad picture. But we are trying to carry out 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18: Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. We recognize our need for worship, and our need for praise and joy and are searching it out in church family and each other, and hobbies and work and friends. I will be back here, though. Everyone knows just how we feel. Sending love and prayers for you and yours.
Kathy,
So saddened by your heartache. We can all relate. Nothing hurts more than to watch those close to you run and make poor, self-destructive decisions. Yes, the Word tells us to rejoice…and to offer up to Him the sacrifice of praise…which it is at times..a real SACRIFICE in the midst of great sorrow! However, the Word also tells us to mourn with them who mourn; also, they who mourn shall be comforted, which is a big promise. He understands heartache. I believe we learn the Father’s heart in all of this. We ache with you, and we will pray for your entire family. Much love…our HOPE is in Him, who bore ALL our sins on that place called Calvary! Hugs!
Wanted to share this gem. It is giving me so much comfort right now. Read something like it somewhere in Romans, too. Isaiah 65 “I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me; I was found by those who did not seek me.” HOW COMFORTING.
Coupled with 2 other parents in church who have had prodigal children who returned “home”, who both told me “It is nothing we did, there was nothing we could have done to fix this: GOD DID THIS.”
We wait on God. In the meantime we should rejoice and praise Him, and work at being strong Christians.
I can’t tell you how much comfort I am getting from that verse. Intellectually I know God is pursuing my children, but finding that verse today put that head-knowledge into my heart directly.
Thank you, God, for never giving up on my children!!!!! Hold out your open arms to them daily, for as long as it takes! I am grateful You did that for me, too.
Hello everyone! I’m another hurting mom trying to find some comfort after my 20 year old daughter left home today to be with her questionable boyfriend.
She was raised a Christian and knows the word but we believe she hasn’t had an encounter with God.
She chose to leave home with this guy we hardly know and our hearts are so broken.
I thank God for finding this site. I have been reading the posts and found so much hope and love from others.
Please pray for us. We are devastated since she never had a serious relationship before so she is like blinded with this guy and has turned so rebellious.
Thank you all!!
Hi Rosie, I pray that the LORD will grant you strength. I pray that your daughter will soon begin to make better decisions.
Thank you so much Pastor Chris. We know that God has everything under control. Praying…..