Without trying to rewrite my book in a post, the biblical point is that in situations like the one you describe, it is not consistent with the Bible to simply say that your mum should automatically forgive and just continue to accept this sinful behavior.

What if the evil-doer never gets punished by the law? My mum and dad are still in a marriage (my dad cheated on a many times and also has another family – a son and another “Wife”).

I’m Chinese (Asian) – And in chinese tradition, sometimes, it is tolerated when a man is polygamous (my grandfather had 2 wives).

My dad and mum still talk to each other. My mum let things slide and stayed in the marriage even though he was unfaithful because she did not want us to grow up without a father figure. (It has definitely done more harm than good).

When advising her to divorce my dad, (because she is obviously not happy), she said she does not want give up the official status of being the legal wife to “The other woman” – I told her that is wrong straight off.

BTW – my parents met in church, in the youth group.

I don’t know of anyone who has written specifically about that. I do think that my book on forgiveness would be easy to apply to that area because one of the goals I really pursue is trying to show that too many Christians speak naively about situations where the wounds are very deep.

Theologically the key must be to focus on the Gospel. It must be lived out in relationships as well.

Practically, what is needed to be in community in a local church where the Word is central. That is the key step. Often when I speak with people about what to do next, the answer is to be in a church and to know a pastor that can counsel and shepherd you.

One thing that you might also do is listen to some of the sermons from the National Peacemakers Conference – - see this link http://www.peacemakerconference.net/schedule/

I have several friends in this situation… I know it is way more common than is talked about… do you have any suggestions or links?

It is very difficult for someone to get full custody of children, even if there has been some violence in the home… so many many people cannot fully get away from someone who has hit them or their kid(s)

Sometimes, if the person is repentant, it seems like it is best to try and forgive but forgetting and being able to have joy is a totally different story….

some of the women in the 12 step group at church seem to have learned a dispassionate way to distance themselves from abusers… but that is not the same as forgiving and finding joy with that spouse again….

Do you know of a book or blog or link about that?

Just for fun….a “light-hearted” tribute to gnosticism’s latest turn to “Idol Speculation”:

“That Golden Calf? …. It’s Nothing”
(…and to Nothing will we bow…)

Scientism’s reached consensus…
We know Nothing brought us here!
It’s the truth that Science teaches;
We know Nothing’s there to fear!

We are smart and getting smarter,
As our wisdom so expands!
Truth’s advancing…..fast approaching.
Nothing’s what we understand! …….

Yes, you see, we’ve come to Nothing,
So, to Nothing will we bow…
Here we proudly stand proclaiming,
“Golden Calves are Nothing now!”

continued here: http://www.tomgraffagnino.com/tidying-up/

God bless,
Tom Graffagnino