Archive for the 'A New Forgiveness Quiz' Category

Remember, next Friday on December 4th, I will give away a Flip Camera.  (Take A New Forgiveness Quiz).

The next two winners for A New Forgiveness Quiz are:

jnkurrle

kgile

I am posting the next two winners.  I know  people don’t necessarily appreciate having either their emails or their names broadcast on the Internet.  If those of you who win would like to comment, that would be wonderful!

Question 9.  The best way to stop thinking about a relational hurt is to journal about how you feel. FALSE.

Journaling may only cause a person to think more about the injury. Those struggling to escape from emotional quicksand should focus on Christ and be more absorbed in him.  If you are struggling with getting over a relational hurt, then one of the last things you need to do is continually dwell on it.  Rather, change your focus to Christ.

Here is an excerpt from Unpacking Forgiveness.

But how is it that we can get off the mental gerbil wheel? The first thing to realize is that it will be a process.

In theological categories, the questions of how to forgive and stop dwelling upon past wrongs fall into the area of sanctification. “Sanctification” refers to the process by which we become increasingly like our Lord and Savior. The key to Christlike responses, the key to getting to mental victory over bitterness and hurt, is to fix our eyes on Jesus Christ himself, day in and day out.

Jesus, of course, dealt perfectly with those who offended him: “When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23). Jesus did not run on the mental gerbil wheel. Rather, he entrusted himself to the justice of God the Father. He was at peace. Our goal ought to be to become like him.

We do not become like Jesus in an instant. The Bible teaches that sanctification is a process. As we fix our eyes on Christ, we are transformed into his likeness from one degree to another, often in small and incremental steps.

One of the reasons that people become so discouraged by the “mental gerbil wheel” is that they expect an instant solution, a magic switch to help them stop thinking about a wrong done to them. While God does sometimes give immediate victories, it is usually slow in coming, a matter of striving day after day to focus on Jesus Christ rather than focusing on ourselves and those who have inflicted our pain.

We read in Scripture that we ought to “strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord” (Hebrews 12:14). The word translated “strive” means to pursue with intensity of effort. Scripture paints the picture of believers laboring after Christlikeness. We strain toward it. The battle for your mind will not be won easily nor instantaneously. C.S. Lewis described how long it took him to win one mental battle. In his book Letters to Malcolm¸ he wrote, “Last week, while at prayer, I suddenly discovered—or felt as if I did—that I had really forgiven someone I have been trying to forgive for over thirty years.”

It may take thirty years to feel that you have won the victory in a mental war. It is critical to avoid giving in or allowing yourself to be defined by bitter and vindictive thoughts. Don’t let bitterness wear a rut in your soul. Give no place to Satan. He would love nothing better than to use your mental battle to ruin your life.

Specifics for Winning the Battle for Your Mind

How precisely are we to go about about winning this war? Where mental battles are concerned, the Christian’s work to be increasingly Christlike should take place in some very specific ways. Paul said in 2 Corinthians 10:4 that the weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, our “weapons” have divine power to demolish strongholds. And, that includes strongholds in the mind. Here are some specific directions for getting yourself ejected off the mental gerbil wheel.

Burn into your mind what the Bible teaches about forgiveness.

If you have stuck with this book, then you should understand an outline of what the Bible teaches about forgiveness. Make it a goal for these truths and principles to be burned into your mind.

· The most basic forgiveness principle is that Christians should forgive others as God forgave them. (See Matthew 6:12, 7:2; Ephesians 4:32.)

· Christians should have an attitude or disposition of grace towards all people even as God offers forgiveness to all who receive it. God does not forgive all people. But, he does offer grace and forgiveness to all. (See John 1:12, 3:16; Ephesians 2:8-9).

· Therefore, Christians must be willing to forgive all who ask for forgiveness. (See Luke 17:3-4.) Remember: Whatever anyone has done to offend you will always pale in comparison to what you have done to offend God.

· Christians can conquer bitterness by trusting in the justice and providence of God. God is just. Vengeance belongs to him. He will repay. God providentially works all things together for good for those who know him. This includes the acts of people who intend to harm us. You are not ultimately a victim. (See Romans 12:19; 8:28; Genesis 45:5-7.)

· Never excuse bitterness nor an unwillingness to forgive. Those unable or unwilling to forgive should question their salvation. Read this sentence aloud: Saying “I cannot or will not forgive” is another way of saying “I am thinking about going to hell.” (See Matthew 6:14-15, 18:21-35.)

Take a long look at Christ in His Word.

If you want to get off the mental gerbil wheel, then stop scrutinizing your own situation. Take your eyes off yourself and fix them on Christ (see Hebrews 12:1-3).

I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.

~ Psalm 121:1-2

You will not find relief by constantly reviewing what happened. Psalm 77 is the journal of one struggling to get off the mental gerbil wheel. In Psalm 77:3, the psalmist writes that he “meditated.” But, he meditated in the wrong way. “His soul refused to be comforted” (77:2). He began to question the goodness of God. He asked,

Will the Lord spurn forever, and never again be favorable? Has his steadfast love forever ceased? Are his promises at an end for all time? Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has he in anger shut up his compassion?

~Psalm 77:7-9

You see the danger of allowing this mental turmoil to continue unchecked. If we persist in wrong patterns of thought, we can even begin to question the character of God.

The psalmist also shared how he was finally delivered. He turned his attention to who God is and what God had done.

^Then I said, “I will appeal to this, to the years of the right hand of the Most High.” I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old. I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds.

~ Psalm 77:10-12

The most important thing you can do to gain victory in your mind is to fix your “meditations” on Christ. Stop analyzing your personal situation and your personal pain. Look instead to the Savior as he is revealed in the Bible. Prayerfully spend time with Christ in the pages of his Word. Savor his perfection and loveliness in all things; and even as you meditate on him, you will find that you are increasingly like him.

Pray, pray, pray.

Another key strategy for clearing our minds of turmoil is to pray. I am not talking about occasionally throwing up a petition to God in your car on the way to work, or rolling over in bed, muttering, “God, just help me stop thinking about this.” Rather, put yourself in an environment where you can really be focused in your prayer. I go about this in different ways. Sometimes I go into our church sanctuary when no one else is there, get down on my knees, and bury my face in the front pew. Other times I take long prayer walks. Find what works best for you.

We see this emphasis on prayer in Philippians. The letter of Philippians was written to a group of Christians who were experiencing conflict and turmoil in relationships. Immediately after speaking to some involved in a conflict (Philippians 4:2-3), Paul challenged the Philippians to stop being anxious and to start praying instead.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

~ Philippians 4:4-7

This passage promises that when believers pray, God’s peace will guard their hearts and minds.

I have learned to journal my prayers. When I am struggling against lingering hurt and bitterness, it can be difficult to stay with the prayer. Far too easily, my thoughts veer back to a spirit of turmoil and anxiousness. If I write out my prayers, however, then the discipline of writing helps me engage mentally with God’s truth and forces me to think about my circumstances in light of that truth.

Giving thanks should be central in your prayers. Notice in these same verses in Philippians that Paul wrote, “But in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God (Philippians 4:6).” Thanking God gives him the glory he deserves for his provision in your life. It will also shape how you think. Thanksgiving will take your mind off what is troubling you and turn your attention to Christ. None of us should have any problem journaling pages of ways that we are thankful.

If you have been treated unfairly, it is also legitimate to pray for justice as Jesus taught in the parable of the persistent widow (Luke 18:1-8, Revelation 6:10). Praying for justice is also a frequent emphasis in the Psalms. As I stressed in Chapter 13, a confidence in the justice of God is vital to conquering bitterness.

Say and do the right things.

When we have been treated unfairly, it is a great temptation to state our case to other people. Of course, there are legitimate times to talk to others. You may need counsel from someone or you may want to ask for prayer.

But, remember this. What you say and what you do are formative. Talking about a wrong done to you will make it far more difficult to stop thinking about the matter. Instead of rehearsing what happened to people, even to those you trust, expend your energy in positive ways. Get involved in serving people. Encourage others. Reach out to someone else who has been hurt.

Participate in the God-given means of grace.

As I stressed in Chapter 1, Jesus offers rest to those who are mentally weary. But, he did not bid us to come to him and sleep. Instead, Jesus said, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me (Matthew 11:30). The way that we assume Christ’s yoke is through labor: Studying and listening to his Word, fellowshipping with his people, engaging in worship, praying, and so on.

Question 10.  People unwilling or unable to forgive, should be scared of God. TRUE.

In one sense we should all fear God.   The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Proverbs 9:10).  But, those unable or unwilling to extend grace should carefully evaluate their own salvation.

The parable of the unforgiving servant

Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.

~ Matthew 18:21-35

You have to really get into the story if it is going to influence you. Picture in your mind who might have played the parts. In this parable, we have to cast only three roles. First, we need a rich king. This is someone who has a lot of assets. He writes off a major loan, so he has to be loaded in order to afford to do that. He is kind at points (he initially writes off the debt) but he is also just and stern (he comes down on him hard in the end). Who would play such a part?

Second, we need the guy who ends up being the loser in the story. He is the example not to be followed. This guy was not afraid to shamelessly beg and yet he turned in an instant and was mean. Picture a weasely-schemer.

The third character is an ordinary, hard-working guy who has had some bad breaks. By definition, this would not be played by anyone famous. Put an average person in the role.

So, the “parable” goes that the weasel owes the wealthy king a huge amount of money. It is an exorbitantly large amount. One commentator estimates that it would have been the equivalent of 193,000 years’ wages.[1] It is such a grandiose amount that no one could pay it back. Not ever. This character certainly can’t.

So, the king summons the guy who owes him money. The guy is begging from the get-go. He falls down on his knees and begs for an extension—just a little more time, and he promises to take care of the debt. Can’t you just picture the scene? The king is a little put out by the whole business, kind of half-disgusted by the melodrama of someone falling at his shoes. He probably shakes him and says, “Get a hold of yourself; act like a man.” But in the end, he has pity on him, saying, “Hey, what’s another billion! I’ll write this debt off.”

So, the weasely schemer dusts himself off and flies away, happy as a lark. He has been forgiven his debt. It’s gone! On the way home, though, he meets up with, of all people, an average guy who owes him a few months’ wages. [2] Of course, the debt is nothing in comparison to the astronomical amount he had owed a mere ten minutes ago. But he spots him and wants what’s coming to him, and he wants it now. He doesn’t have it, and there’s no way you’ll ever be able to get it, either, if he packs him off to debtors’ prison. So he falls at his feet and begs for another chance. And, this guy, who has just been forgiven this billion-dollar debt, will not even hear of giving him a few more days to cough up the cash. He certainly has no intentions of forgiving him the thousand dollars. In fact, he calls the authorities and has him arrested.

In due time, however, the guy to whom money was originally owed finds out about it, and he cannot believe his ears. He has forgiven a huge sum. Now, he hears that this weasel who has been forgiven a billion, cannot find it within himself to forgive even this paltry amount. So, he reneges. He reams out the guy who originally owed him money, reinstates the once-forgiven debt, and throws his sorry carcass in prison. No mercy. He’s stuck there until he can repay the amount, which of course, he will never be able to repay.

Once you “see” the story, Jesus’ point is clear. Turner summarizes:

The point is the monstrous inconsistency between being forgiven “zillions” and refusing to forgive “peanuts….. The unforgiving servant does not do for the other what he would like the other to do for him (7:12), let alone do for the other what the king has already done for him. He hypocritically accepts mercy but is not willing to grant it to another.[3]

Keep the context of the biblical parable in mind. Peter is asking Jesus, “How many times should we forgive?” Jesus responds that we are to forgive an unlimited number of times: seventy times seven. Jesus understood that the disciples might think it unreasonable to be expected to forgive so many times. With this parable, Jesus was teaching that whatever someone has done to offend us always pales in comparison to what we have done to offend God. The Christian who will not forgive is like a guy who will not forgive a few-thousand-dollar debt when he has himself been forgiven billions.

It goes without saying; human beings do horrible things to one another. And, the point is not that these are small offenses. Some of them are huge. However, they are small in comparison to what we have done to offend God.

[1] Turner, 335.

[2] Turner, 336.

[3] Turner, 336-337.

It is still not too late to enter the contest.  I will continue to blog through the quiz on consecutive Friday’s until December 4th.  Each Friday I will give away two copies of Unpacking Forgiveness.  On December 4th, I will give away a Flip Camera.  (Take A New Forgiveness Quiz)

The next two winners for A New Forgiveness Quiz are:

JLarso

gussa

I am posting the next two winners.  I know  people don’t necessarily appreciate having either their emails or their names broadcast on the Internet.  If those of you who win would like to comment, that would be wonderful!

Question #5 – A very influential author argued that it is legitimate to forgive God. True or False, it is legitimate to forgive God?

FALSE.

It is heretical to suggest that God would need our forgiveness. But, this is where a feelings based approach to forgiveness often leads. Here is how the progression happens:

• It is wrong to feel bitterness and vindictive toward God.
• Forgiveness is defined as a feeling.  Indeed, what many people believe is that forgiveness is no longer feeling bitterness or anger toward someone.
• Therefore, it is legitimate to forgive God because I shouldn’t feel bitterness or anger toward God.

These are the heretical ditches in which we find ourselves in when we redefine biblical concepts in man-centered ways.

Question #6 – Ken Sande says forgiveness is a 2-stage process. Is the statement that forgiveness is a two stage process true or false? TRUE.

First, I will again recommend Ken Sande’s book, The Peacemaker.  This is a valuable resource for local churches.

Where this question is concerned, it is wrong to be bitter and vindictive.  This is where Sande’s description can be helpful.  He argues that forgiveness is a two stage process.  Here is an excerpt of The Peacemaker.

Ideally, repentance should precede forgiveness (Luke 17:3) . . .

When an offense is too serious to overlook and the offender has not yet repented, you may need to approach forgiveness as a two-staged process.  The first stage requires having an attitude of forgiveness, and the second, granting forgiveness.   Having an attitude of forgiveness is unconditional and is a commitment you make to God . . . By his grace, you seek to maintain a loving and merciful attitude toward someone who has offended you.  This requires making and living out the first promise of forgiveness, which means you will not dwell on the hurtful incident or seek vengeance or retribution in thought, word, or action.  Instead, you pray for the other person and stand ready at any moment to pursue complete reconciliation as soon as he or she repents.  This attitude will protect you from bitterness and resentment, even if the other person takes a long time to repent.

Granting forgiveness is conditional on the repentance of the offender and takes place between you and that person (Luke 17:3-4).  It is a commitment to make the other three promises of forgiveness to the offender.  When there has been a serious offense, it would not be appropriate to make these promises until the offender has repented . . .

It is still not too late to enter the contest.  I will continue to blog through the quiz on consecutive Friday’s until December 4th.  Each Friday I will give away two copies of Unpacking Forgiveness.  On December 4th, I will give away a Flip Camera.  (Take A New Forgiveness Quiz)

The next two winners for A New Forgiveness Quiz are:

I am posting the next two winners.  I know  people don’t necessarily appreciate having either their emails or their names broadcast on the Internet.  If those of you who win would like to comment, that would be wonderful!

H Vander

http://jodylynne.blogspot.com/

So, what about questions 3&4?

3.  Local churches need to be reminded of biblical truth about forgiveness in an ongoing way.   TRUE. (100%!!)

Everyone agrees that we need to be reminded of the biblical truth about forgiveness in an ongoing way.  At least according to our survey.

In particular, we need to be reminded of grace.  So easily, we slip into a works oriented mentality.  We slip into that regarding our relationship with God and with one another.  I find myself being works oriented.  I remember one Sunday where I struggled with feeling worthy to preach.  Then all of a sudden, it hit me that if there is a particular Sunday that I don’t feel worthy, then there are Sunday’s when I think I am worthy.  Of course, I am never worthy – except for Christ.

And, we are never worthy to be forgiven by God.  Yet, the Lamb who was slain is worthy.  And, we rest in Him.  We need to preach the Gospel to ourselves every day, as Jerry Bridges wrote.

But, don’t we also slip into a works mentality in our relationship with others.  We evaluate if we think the other person deserves to be forgiven.  Or, we keep track of the offenses and when there are enough, or when the offense is too serious, then we take a pass on forgiveness.  As I point out in my book, remember that whatever someone has done to offend you, pales in comparison to what you have done to offend God.

I think we also need to be taught about forgiveness in an ongoing way because one of Satan’s primary strategies in the church is to cause friction in relationships within the Body.  I wonder if there isn’t someone right now who is in the midst of a church disagreement?  If so, then be oh so careful to be Cross-centered in how you work through the disagreement. There is just way too much damage being caused in local churches because we are not practicing biblical forgiveness.

 4.  Christians should drop some matters rather than insisting that they be discussed with the other party.  TRUE (88%). Too many relationships are irreparably damaged because people carry on about trivial matters.  And, honestly, most matters are trivial.

Here is an excerpt from my book.  You will shake your head when you read it.  Yet, how many times do we make mountains out of the same sorts of mole hills.  In Unpacking Forgiveness, I go on to explain how we should decide when confrontation is needed and when we should just let it go.

A Sad, Ridiculous Story

(This story is quoted from a newspaper article)

“It started out simply, as complicated things often do. On a night long ago, Denis O’Brien walked into a restaurant called the Mousetrap. [He] was looking for friends, and when he found them, he turned to walk out.

A cashier stopped him. Apparently O’Brien had misplaced a red tab that the restaurant issued to its customers to keep track of their food and drinks. The Mousetrap required a $5 fee for lost tabs, O’Brien was told.

It could have ended there, but it didn’t. O’Brien could have paid the fee, but he wouldn’t. The restaurant could have let him go, but it wouldn’t. Instead, the dispute escalated over a decade into a series of suits and two counter suits in two states and two countries.

The restaurant has gone out of business, but the $5 red tab has grown to more than $165,000.

On that night, Feb 29, 1980, O’Brien, who was then a University of Virginia graduate student in pharmacology, screamed that paying anything would violate his rights because he had eaten nothing and drunk nothing. At the Mousetrap’s request, he was taken by police to the Charlottesville jail. There, a magistrate refused to issue an arrest warrant. O’Brien was released.

O’Brien could have let the matter end there, his indignation justified by the magistrate, but he demanded a printed apology from the restaurant and threatened to sue….. O’Brien’s lawsuits eventually were dismissed for various reasons, writing another possible ending to the incident. But the Mousetrap sued O’Brien after he had moved….[O’Brien failed to show up for the trial and]…without O’Brien in the courtroom, the jury awarded $60,000 in damages to the restaurant.

[The prosecutor] said O’Brien is to blame for his problems. “All he had to do all these years was come and tell the judge the story. He knew the suit was coming. Had he come to the judge, the judge would have reopened it. He didn’t tell anybody he was in town. He just decided he was going to be clever, I guess.”

O’Brien did not pay the judgment and [the prosecutor] pursued him in Massachusetts courts. O’Brien said that the matter still was not decided when he left the country for New Zealand in 1984.

For nearly seven years, O’Brien found peace from the Mousetrap suit.

But the search for O’Brien had not ended…. On a cool New Zealand evening last October, an officer of the court appeared on O’Brien’s doorstep. He carried papers saying O’Brien, who is now a 42-year-old lecturer in pharmacology at the Central Institute of Technology in Trentham, still owed the $60,000 judgment plus interest.

[As of the time of the writing of this article], the matter is under consideration in a New Zealand courtroom.[1]”

Can you believe it? A hot-headed college student set out to make a point about a five-dollar bar tab. And, because he insisted on proving that he was right, he ended up fleeing to the other side of the world with a $165,000 debt hanging over his head. Ironically, O’Brien later discovered that he had the tab in his pocket the entire time. Just reading it, I wish that I could have been there to say, “Here, I’ll pay the $5!”

Of course, O’Brien wouldn’t have accepted because he was so committed to proving that he was right.

But, even as we shake our heads, most of us need to admit that there has been a time when we insisted on pursuing a matter because “it was the principle of the thing.” Looking back on it, we would have to admit that it was foolish to pursue it. It was never that important in the first place.

Stop for a moment. Can you think of a time in your marriage or friendships that you blew something up when you should have let it go?

This brings us to an important truth; we do not need to formally resolve every conflict that takes place. Some offenses need to be dropped. While there are times that we go to another party and say, “You have offended me,” and we will talk about those occasions in the next chapter. There are other times when we just need to get over the matter. Proverbs 17:14 warns,

The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out.

~ Proverbs 17:14

In The Message, Eugene Peterson paraphrases,

The start of a quarrel is like the leak of a dam, so stop it before it bursts.[2]

Starting a quarrel is like playing with explosives at the base of Hoover Dam. If you are not careful, you will end up blowing up the dam, and all the king’s horses and all the king’s men won’t be able to put the thing together again. Starting a quarrel is like flinging a glass of water across a room. Once you have done it, you can never reverse the process.

Other verses make a similar point.

· Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense (Proverbs 19:11).

· The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult (Proverbs 12:16).

· It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling (Proverbs 20:3).

· Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8).

[1] DeNeen L. Brown, "U-Va. Student’s $5 Bar Tab Now a $165,000 Hangover," Washington Post, April 29 1991.

[2] Eugene Peterson, The Message: Proverbs (Colorado Springs: NavPress, 1995), 58.