Kevin Swanson of Generations Radio interviewed me recently about my book Unpacking Forgiveness. You can listen here.
I thought a couple of his questions (especially towards the end were some of the best I have been asked.
Archive for the 'Forgiveness' Category
Page 4 of 19
If you are struggling to stop thinking about a wound – - if you are on the mental gerbil wheel – - then reading a book on forgiveness is probably not the best way to escape the turmoil. Rather, through the below suggestions enlarge your thinking about what Christ will do in the future.
On Friday, I posted that a biblical strategy to escape the mental turmoil of past wounds is to cultivate a vivid picture of the final redemptive work of Christ. (See here).
Below are some practical suggestions for cultivating a vivid picture of the final redemptive work of Christ. Notice that this list is NOT so much about reading books about forgiveness – - though there may be some good ones out there! Reading about forgiveness may only cause you to think about the wound more. Rather, absorb your mind with what Christ will do in the future!
-
Memorize Scripture about what Christ will do upon his return. Rather, than choosing verses that apply to the wrong someone did to you, memorize Revelation 21 or Revelation 22. (For help with memorization, see here). Repeat to remember, and repeat to meditate. Or, memorize 2 Cor 4:16-18 or Matthew 5:1-12. Notice that the beatitudes talk in large part about what will happen in the future.
-
Think creatively about what it will be like when Christ returns. Decide where you and your Christian loved ones will meet. My family is going to meet at the 5th tree on the right side of the river as we face the throne! How can you lead your family in vividly contemplating glory?
-
Carefully read Jonathan Edward sermon, “The Excellency of Christ.” Reading this sermon is hard work. But, it’s worth the effort. This paragraph alone will make your heart sing.
When the saints get to heaven, they shall not merely see Christ, and have to do with him as subjects and servants with a glorious and gracious Lord and Sovereign, but Christ will entertain them as friends and brethren. This we may learn from the manner of Christ’s conversing with his disciples here on earth: though he was their Sovereign Lord, and did not refuse, but required, their supreme respect and adoration, yet he did not treat them as earthly sovereigns are wont to do their subjects. He did not keep them at an aweful distance, but all along conversed with them with the most friendly familiarity, as a father amongst a company of children, yea, as with brethren. So he did with the twelve, and so he did with Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. He told his disciples, that he did not call them servants, but friends, and we read of one of them that leaned on his bosom: and doubtless he will not treat his disciples with less freedom and endearment in heaven. He will not keep them at a greater distance for his being in a state of exaltation; but he will rather take them into a state of exaltation with him. This will be the improvement Christ will make of his own glory, to make his beloved friends partakers with him, to glorify them in his glory, as he says to his Father, John 17:22, 23. “And the glory which thou hast given me, have I given them, that they may be one, even as we are one I in them” etc. We are to consider, that though Christ is greatly exalted, yet he is exalted, not as a private person for himself only, but as his people’s head; he is exalted in their name, and upon their account, as the first fruits, and as representing the whole harvest. He is not exalted that he may be at a greater distance from them, but that they may be exalted with him.
-
Listen to the right music. Sing with all your heart about the return of Christ. Some of you can surely suggest some great worship songs about the return of Christ.
-
Read either, Mike Wittmer’s book, Heaven Is a Place on Earth: Why Everything You Do Matters to God
or Randy Alcorn’s, Heaven
A sermon I gave today near Washington D.C. outlines a strategy for how people can have victory over the mental turmoil that comes from being deeply wounded.
Today (D.V.) I preached at the National Peacemakers Conference. The question I sought to address is how we can experience mental victory over the emotional turmoil that comes of being deeply wounded. (I also wrote about this in Unpacking Forgiveness).
The theological basics of forgiveness are straight-forward. We are called to forgive others as Christ forgave us (Ephesians 4:32). Living this out is often a different matter. Often we find that even when we have resolved to follow the example of Christ, it is not easy to jump off the mental gerbil wheel in which we run as fast as we can mentally without making any progress.
Most can remember a time when it was hard to stop thinking about a way they were wounded.
The central point of my sermon from Psalm 73 was that one strategy for emotional victory is to, “Cultivate a vivid picture of the final redemptive (eschatological) work of Christ.” Rather, than being absorbed in analysis of how we were hurt, we ought to occupy our minds with what the Bible teaches about the return of Christ.
I developed this point from Psalm 73. There, the Psalmist admits that when he tried to understand injustice in his own strength, he was worn out (Psalm 73:16). He was only able to experience victory over mental turmoil by understanding the final destiny of evil people (Psalm 73:16-17) and focused on the blessed hope of ultimately being received into glory (Psalm 73:24).
So, if you say to me, “I want to forgive someone, but I just can’t stop thinking about it.” Based on the teaching of Scripture, I would tell you, “Cultivate a vivid picture of the future work of Christ.”
You might say in turn – - “Well, how will this help? Why will that make any difference?” It will help in at least 3 ways.
-
In cultivating a vivid picture of the final redemptive work of Christ you will be assured of justice. It is in picturing the final work of Christ that the Psalmist understands that justice will be served in God’s timing. This is a continuing theme throughout all of Scripture. We need not fret because of evildoers. God will see that it is set right (Psalm 37:1-2).
-
In cultivating a vivid picture of the final redemptive work of Christ you will be motivated to be merciful. Scripture warns that those unwilling to follow God’s gracious example should fear for their souls (Matthew 18:21-35. Blessed are the merciful (Matthew 5:7). It is the peacemakers that will be called sons of God (Matthew 5:9).
-
In cultivating a vivid picture of the final redemptive work of Christ your mind and heart will be enthralled with the beauty of God’s plan of redemption. Our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal weight of glory that far surpasses whatever trials we may face now. As Jonathan Edwards encouraged, if the disciples had access to our Lord during his first advent, how much more will we on the New Earth.
None of us can think our way through the twisted thorns of our painful pasts. We only find that our own thoughts pierce us again and again. It’s only as we focus on Christ – - particularly on what he will do when he returns that we will be so absorbed in the beauty of being in his presence on the New Earth that we will stop thinking about our wounds.
On Monday, I plan to post some very specific suggestions for how we can stop thinking about how we have been wounded. For now, reading through Psalm 73 (and also Psalm 37) is a good place to begin.
Most of us are faced weekly with a situation where we must decide whether or not to confront someone about an offense or whether to drop the matter. How do you decide whether to confront or overlook an offense?
This is a question I considered at length in my book, Unpacking Forgiveness. Ben at Cross centered counseling has summarized some of this material at his blog, Cross-Centered Counseling.
Click here.
There is a blog discussion on forgiveness over on Sharper Iron. (Click here).
Or, maybe take the Forgiveness Quiz.
I mentioned previously that I am speaking at Peacemakers National Conference September 16-19. Today they put up a short video of me explaining why I wrote Unpacking Forgiveness.
In a fallen world, conflict is never far away. As individuals and churches, we need ministries like Peacemakers. I agree with Justin Taylor that every church should at least be familiar with their work.
Consider this quote from C.J. Mahaney:
In fact, it is with great confidence that I can predict: You will face relational conflict in your future. Not only your distant future, but your immediate future. . . For as sinners living in a fallen world, conflict is inevitable and in fact, is heading your way right now. You can count on it.
*****************
In Unpacking Forgiveness: Biblical Answers for Complex Questions and Deep Wounds I wrote:
If I could recommend only one resource on working through conflicts, it would probably be Ken Sande’s, The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict
. It contains a wealth of practical information on how to work through conflict resolution. Sande and the organization he founded, Peacemaker Ministries, have decades of experience in working through conflict resolution, and this book is a gold mine of practical advice.
Since writing Unpacking, my respect for Peacemakers has only grown. Last Spring, I spoke for their staff retreat in Montana and grew in my appreciation for their organization. Along with Josh Harris, Thabite, Anyawbile, and others, I am scheduled to be a keynote speaker at the National Peacemaker Conference this Fall in the Washington, D.C. area.
I was delighted to see today that Justin Taylor has taken the time to put together a web page with helpful links. If you want to learn more about Peacemakers, then be sure and visit Justin’s summary.
I would recommend that every church at least be familiar with Peacemaker Ministries and the resources that they offer. I recently had an opportunity to lead a group through their small-group DVD set and study guide, and the feedback was very encouraging, with tangible fruit produced.
They have a church resource set, which contains posters, sermon outlines, a DVD, leader’s guide, and small-group participants’ guides. This is a great way to introduce a “culture of peacemaking” throughout the church. A newer resource is a DVD-based group study designed specifically church leadership teams, calledThe Leadership Opportunity: Living Out the Gospel Where Conflict and Leadership Intersect.
Here are some free online resources that give you an idea about their approach:
Getting to the Heart of Conflict – Conflict starts in the heart. Therefore, if we fail to address the heart in a conflict, then any solution will fall short of true reconciliation.
The Four G’s – The biblical system for resolving conflict is captured by “The Four G’s”: Glorify God, Get the log out of your own eye, Gently Restore, and Go and be reconciled.
The Slippery Slope – A visual tool for understanding the ways people tend to and ought to respond to conflict.
The Seven A’s of Confession – A guide to making a sincere and complete confession.
The PAUSE Principle – A biblical approach to negotiation.
The Four Promises of Forgiveness – A great way to remember what you are really saying (and committing to) when you say “I forgive you.”
The Peacemaker’s Pledge – Complete summary of biblical peacemaking, suitable for churches or organizations to commit to together.
Relational Commitments – A way for a church to make a mutual commitment to work together to pursue unity, maintain friendships, preserve marriages, and build relationships that reflect the love of Christ.
The Gospel of Peace Mirrored Through Peacemaking – A summary statement of how the gospel of Jesus Christ is at the core of biblical peacemaking.
Mike Law, a pastor in Arlington, Virginia, has posted an excerpt on pride from Unpacking Forgiveness.
I mentioned earlier that I’ve recently been reading Chris Brauns’ bookUnpacking Forgiveness. There are several reasons that I’d recommend this book, but if nothing else, I’d recommend this book for Brauns insights on page 81. That page is stuffed full of things that challenged my heart. Just consider this insight on pride:
“Pride is not limited to arrogance or cockiness; it is not just an inflated opinion of oneself. Pride is any way of putting self into the central focus.”[1]
Helpfully Brauns goes on to offer a list of questions to help his readers think about how pride might be expressing itself in our lives. Consider his questions and reflections from, you guessed it, page 81!
“Are you overly critical? Discernment is a good thing (Philippians 1:9-11; Romans 12:1-2). But discerning people sometimes go a step too far in feeling the need to critique everything. Pride is the root problem.
“Are you insecure? Insecurity often betrays a person too narrowly focused on self.
Read more here.
See also, his recommendation.
Alexander Pope:
Teach me to feel another’s woe, to hide the fault I see, that mercy I show to others, that mercy show to me.
Do you need to go to work unpacking forgiveness? Here for the thoughts of others about Unpacking.
This from Kerri Goss of Peacemakers:
We would like to share the recording [of the webinar on forgiveness]. We hope that you will find your experience to be spiritually-enriching and worth your time. We look forward to hosting more webinars in the future and hope you will join us. If you would like to be on the mailing list for future webinars please reply to this message.
We would encourage you to seize the opportunity to view the recording by downloading the webinar! Vimeo is a free site but you must first join to be able to download the video. You do not have to join if you just want to view the video. Go here to register free with Vimeo. If you search under “Peacemaker Ministries” you will find a host of helpful videos and we are updating this with new content all the time.
After viewing the recording you may have some questions that you would like answered. Please send any questions to Kerri Goss at kgoss@peacemaker.net or reply to this email. You can also direct questions directly to Chris Brauns at chris@theredbrickchurch.org (Please note that Chris is on sabbatical and out of the country for the next 5 weeks and comes back to a very busy schedule so please be patient in expecting a response from Chris) Be sure to check out Chris’ blog www.chrisbrauns.com
Chris Brauns will be a featured keynote speaker at the 2010 Peacemaker Conference. This will be a wonderful event that centers on the topic of forgiveness. Josh Harris (I Kissed Dating Good-bye, Dug Down Deep), Thabiti Anyabwile (What is a Healthy Church Member?, The Gospel for Muslims), Bishop Efraim Tendero (National Director of the Philippine Council of Evangelical Churches), and Ken Sande (The Peacemaker, Peacemaking for Families) will join Chris Brauns in discussing this profound and important topic. Remember that Chris will be leading a workshop on conditional forgiveness as many of you had questions on this topic. This is an opportunity to get specific training on conflict coaching and mediation or attend a host of workshops that will train you to live out the gospel through biblical peacemaking.
