What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage
Trust is being so convinced that you can rely on the integrity, strength, character, and faithfulness of another that you are willing to place yourself in his or her care.
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Archive for the 'Marriage' Category
What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage
The sexual relationship is a good barometer for every couple. The character and quality of the marriage relationship will determine the character and quality of their sexual union. You don’t leave disappointment and division at the bedside. You don’t escape misunderstanding and hurt simply because you are in another’s arms. Because, in this most intimate of human relationships, you are actually physically disrobed and in the arms of another to whom you are offering your physical self, most if not all of the layers of self-protection are gone. You are in a place of exposure and vulnerability. This is what makes the sexual relationship so beautiful. You can be exposed and vulnerable in the arms of your lover and be unafraid, because you know he or she will care for you, and you know that the results will be mutual satisfaction.
See also
- Nothing we ever intend is faultless
- as well as Trying to have hundred dollar conversations in dime moments?
- Where the biggest conflicts of marriage are fought.
John Wooden wrote his wife over 300 letters (one per month) for 25 years after she died.
HT: Justin Taylor
I continue to recommend, What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage
I have said this and will continue to return to it throughout this book: the big battles in marriage are not the ones you fight with your spouse. No, the big battles are the ones being fought in your heart. All of the horizontal skirmishes between a husband wife are the result of this deeper battle. Remember, there is still sin remaining in your heart, and the DNA of selfishness. Since since in its fundamental form is selfish, then sin is essentially antisocial. This means that you and I must recognize there is something that still lurks inside us that is destructive to marriage.
See also this quote found in the same book, as well as this one about too many of us trying to have “hundred dollar conversations in dime moments.”
Collin Hansen raises an interesting question about the implications of health care legislation.
Following this blog, I figured the best way to rack up comments was to write about health care. So I thought I might explore one element of the recently enacted health-reform legislation that grabbed my attention as a prospective pastor. Though I worked for a short time on Capitol Hill, much of the far-reaching legislation eludes my understanding. We will be sorting out the implications of these reforms for years, if not decades. But one provision stands out as noteworthy, because it exposes a major social change with questionable merit. Until young adults turn 26, insurers are now required to let their parents retain them as dependents, no matter whether they have married or found gainful employment.
The move will benefit many of the 13.2 million Americans between the ages of 19 and 29 who currently do not have health insurance. According to the Commonwealth Fund, almost 30 percent of this age group foregoes health insurance for a variety of reasons. Students may continue from college to graduate school through at least their mid-20s. An unhealthy job market directs others into internships, residencies, or part-time positions that do not provide benefits. Youth (with its high risk-tolerance) convinces some to take their chances that no catastrophic illness will befall them.
This new insurance mandate matches the new social reality for 20-somethings who cannot or do not become independent adults when they turn 18, or even 21.
Before I forget – - one reminder from Phil Mickelson is simply to smile. Smile broadly. Smile often. It goes a long ways.
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My wife, cried, when Phil won on Sunday. And, it wasn’t because she has a soft spot for lefties. She was so encouraged to hear him say how much it helped to have his wife and family there.
Rick Reilly explains why the ladies won Sunday.
AUGUSTA, Ga. — It’s not often women win the Masters, but they did Sunday.
Actually, Phil Mickelson won, but for millions of women around the country, it must feel like a lipstick-sized victory. Mickelson, in case you forgot, is the guy who stayed true to his wife. He’s the guy who’s been missing tournaments the last 11 months while he flies her back and forth to a breast cancer specialist in Houston. He’s the guy who didn’t need reminding that women are not disposable. . . Mickelson is the guy whose heavy head on the bed pillow lately wasn’t self-inflicted. Both his wife, Amy, and his mother, Mary, have breast cancer. Usually, those two are at every tournament he’s in, but for the last year they’ve been fighting, resting, and fighting again at home. And Mickelson has gone back to his rented homes alone.
So when Amy turned up on the 18th green Sunday at Augusta National for the first time in 11 months and Mickelson practically fell into her outstretched arms, you wanted to hug somebody yourself. Mickelson hugged and cried. And his wife hugged and cried. And his coach and his caddy hugged and cried. And 10 minutes later, the caddy was still crying.
"This is way beyond golf," said caddy Jim "Bones" Mackay, who’s been with Mickelson for 19 years. "This is about a guy who loves his wife. This is about a guy who had a really hard year. Twenty years from now, nothing will compare with this. This is his greatest win, by far. Because of Amy, because of his mom, everything. God bless all those women that go through what Amy and Phil’s mom have gone through. Because I’ve seen it and it ain’t easy."
"Of all the majors I’ve been involved in," said Mickelson’s coach, Butch Harmon, "be they with Tiger, Phil, anybody, this is the most emotional by far. This year has been a big, big strain on him. His game has suffered. What he really wanted was to be home with his family."
You figured a guy who came into this Masters having played only seven tournaments this year — and never placing better than eighth in any of them — would have a snowball’s chance. But something melted in him when his wife and three kids showed up for the first time in nearly a year on Tuesday.
Paul Tripp shares this Leo Tolstoy quote in What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage
Leo Tolstoy:
What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.
I am reading an advance copy of Paul Tripp’s forthcoming marriage book, What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage
If you’re married or a pastor (or perhaps if you simply know someone who is married), then order it now.
There is no doubt about it: too many of us are trying to have hundred dollar conversations in dime moments. Too many of us have left little time in our schedules for meaningful conversations, tender connection, and focused problem solving. Too many of us have little time for relational reflection and introspection in our marriages. Too many of us are doing marriage on the fly. Marriage, too often, is what we do in between all the other things we are doing that really determine the content and pace of our schedules. But marriage doesn’t function very well as an in-between thing, and marriages surely don’t tend to thrive when we leave them alone and ask them to grow on their own. A marriage that is going to grow, change, and become increasingly healthy needs cultivation. Like a garden, it doesn’t do well when it is being neglected.
See also this quote found in the same book.
