A Brick in the Valley » Marriage

Prop 8 got struck down, now what

Chris — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 10:30:00 +0000

Kevin DeYoung:

As you all know by now, last week a judge in California overturned Proposition 8, the voter approved legislation that defined marriage as between a man and a woman. This has once again thrown the spotlight on gay marriage and the debate over homosexuality in our culture.

I don’t have anything new to say about Prop 8 and the importance of marriage, nor do I feel the need to repeat the biblical arguments for monogamous heterosexuality. But I’ve been thinking about the future challenges facing the church regarding this issue. It’s easy to say “we must stand for biblical truth” or “we must reach out to gays and lesbians” or “we must repent of our own sins.” These are all true statements, but they are not very specific. So I’ve been pondering what in particular should Christians do? Here’s the beginning of a list.

1. We should not disengage. It’s tempting to say “We’re going to lose this one. So let’s just try to love people and not put up a fight” But laws do have consequences. Seeking the peace of the city means we defend marriage because we believe it is for the common good. We need thoughtful, winsome Christians engaging with this issue on television, in print, in the academy, in the arts, and in politics and law.

2. Pastors need to teach on sexuality, preferably in the regular course of expositional preaching. A special series on sex is needed at times, but that can look like special pleading. It’s better for congregations to develop a biblical view of sexuality as they go through Ephesians, 1 Corinthians, Genesis, and the Gospels (yes, Jesus did talk about homosexuality; see Mark 7:21).

3. We should assume that there are people in our churches right now struggling with same gender attraction. Leaders need to verbalize this (not specific names obviously) in sermon application and in pastoral prayers. We need to convey that the church is a safe place for those fighting this temptation. Second to Jesus Christ and his gospel, those struggling with same gender attraction need gospel community more than anything else.

4. Youth groups need to talk frankly about sex and sexual identity. The public school teachers I talk to tell me that teenagers are more and more likely to experiment with their sexuality. They’ll choose to be gay for a season just because they can. These issues will only become more prevalent.

5. We must not be afraid to talk about homosexuality. Don’t be silenced by Christians calling for umpteen more years of dialogue or those who say you need at least one gay friend before you can open your mouth. The Bible speaks openly about sexuality and we must not be embarrassed to open God’s word. BUT when we do speak we must do so with broken hearts not bulging veins. . .

The rest here.

I was excited at the time . . .

Chris — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 17:21:05 +0000

21 years later, I am more blessed than ever.

Proposition 8 Decision

Chris — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 01:07:31 +0000

Dr. Al Mohler:

The importance of the decision handed down yesterday by U. S. District Judge Vaughn R. Walker in California’s Proposition 8 trial will be difficult to exaggerate. Proponents of same-sex marriage immediately declared a major victory — and for good reason. The editorial board of The New York Timesdeclared the verdict “an instant landmark in American legal history,” and so it is, even if later reversed upon appeal.

Judge Walker’s decision is sweeping and comprehensive, basically affirming every argument and claim put forth by those demanding that California’s Proposition 8 be declared unconstitutional. That proposition, affirmed by a clear majority of California voters, amended the state’s constitution to define marriage as the union of a man and a woman. In one brazen act of judicial energy, California’s voters were told that they had no right to define marriage, and thousands of years of human wisdom were discarded as irrational.

Here for the rest.

Collin Hansen’s post includes the thoughts of Pastor Bob Bixby and Pastor Steve Dewitt (click here).

Al Mohler: Marry Outside the Faith? The Logic of Christian Marriage

Chris — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 10:30:00 +0000

Dr. Mohler interacts with recent studies that consider how the likelihood of divorce increases for couples who do not have the same beliefs.

The sociological research presents a clear case for social concern, but the Christian case against mixed-faith marriage emerged long before the academic discipline of sociology. That case is rooted in the logic of the Gospel itself, and in the reality of the Lordship of Jesus Christ.

The rest here.

I think the dull-hollow thud is the guy’s head hitting the floor

Chris — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 10:30:00 +0000

If you’re in a wedding, don’t lock your knees. But, if you do, then it might look and sound something like you will see in this clip. At no extra price, I’ve included a clip from The Princess Bride.

HT: Kevin DeYoung

A definition of trust

Chris — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 11:30:00 +0000

What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage:

Trust is being so convinced that you can rely on the integrity, strength, character, and faithfulness of another that you are willing to place yourself in his or her care.

John Piper – Is it OK for mothers to work full-time outside the home?

Chris — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 10:30:00 +0000

"The sexual relationship is a good barometer for every couple"

Chris — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 11:30:00 +0000

What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage:

The sexual relationship is a good barometer for every couple. The character and quality of the marriage relationship will determine the character and quality of their sexual union. You don’t leave disappointment and division at the bedside. You don’t escape misunderstanding and hurt simply because you are in another’s arms. Because, in this most intimate of human relationships, you are actually physically disrobed and in the arms of another to whom you are offering your physical self, most if not all of the layers of self-protection are gone. You are in a place of exposure and vulnerability. This is what makes the sexual relationship so beautiful. You can be exposed and vulnerable in the arms of your lover and be unafraid, because you know he or she will care for you, and you know that the results will be mutual satisfaction.

The Love Letters of John Wooden

Chris — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 10:30:00 +0000

John Wooden wrote his wife over 300 letters (one per month) for 25 years after she died.

HT: Justin Taylor

Paul Tripp describes where the biggest battles of marriage are fought

Chris — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 10:30:00 +0000

I continue to recommend, What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage. Notice that sin is antisocial:

I have said this and will continue to return to it throughout this book: the big battles in marriage are not the ones you fight with your spouse. No, the big battles are the ones being fought in your heart. All of the horizontal skirmishes between a husband wife are the result of this deeper battle. Remember, there is still sin remaining in your heart, and the DNA of selfishness. Since since in its fundamental form is selfish, then sin is essentially antisocial. This means that you and I must recognize there is something that still lurks inside us that is destructive to marriage.

See also this quote found in the same book, as well as this one about too many of us trying to have “hundred dollar conversations in dime moments.”