Archive for the 'Marriage' Category

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Though in some circumstances it may be necessary, divorce is like amputation

Published on November 5, 2010 in Marriage. 5 Comments

In a major brain lapse, earlier today I said in the title of this post, “Though in some circumstances it may be necessary, marriage is like amputation.”  Fortunately, a couple of you pointed out the error.

Kevin DeYoung lays out biblical principles regarding divorce and remarriage (see here).

One brief pastoral word to go along with the link.  Marriage is a kind of amputation.  There are times when an amputation must be done.  If a person has gangrene in an arm or leg, it may mean death to not remove it.  But, amputation means walking with a limp from there on out.

There are times when God permits divorce.  But, the consequences are devastating.  The divorce you imagine is not the divorce you will have.  Divorce is almost always worse than what people expect.  It means a permanent limp, until we cross to the other side.

Before you amputate, be sure it really is “gangrene” by interacting closely with your pastor and elders.

A marriage redeemed: a story you will want to read

Published on November 1, 2010 in Marriage. 0 Comments

Pollywog Creek continues to be one of my favorite blogs (and not just because of the painted bunting).  If you start reading this post, you will see why.

It’s amazing grace and merciful redemption, so I’ll gladly tell it again today.

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
~ Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

When Louis and I married on October 29, 1976, I was a 26 year old registered nurse working in radiation therapy at Shands Teaching Hospital in Gainesville, and Louis was a 27 year old Navy veteran, college student and a recovering alcoholic with just 9 months of sobriety. It was also our second marriage…to each other…and we were beginning again on shaky ground.

My mom introduced me to Louis in the summer of 1969. . .

Read the whole thing here.

Be thankful for your wife on the 31st

Published on October 31, 2010 in Marriage and Proverbs. 1 Comment

As I have mentioned several times (see here or here), it is a very good practice to read the day’s chapter of Proverbs.  It’s a good idea to do two things when you read a chapter of Proverbs:

  1. Write the month and year at the top of the chapter.  Over time, it will encourage you to cover the entire book.
  2. Write prayers in your Bible or paraphrase a Proverb.  Put it in your own words.

Today is the 31st of October; Why not read Proverbs 31?  If you have a godly wife like I do, then you will never read Proverbs 31 without being thankful.

I take Proverbs notes in many different Bibles.  Below is a scan of just one of them.  It makes me smile to see how many different times in reading through Proverbs 31 I have been thankful for my wife or prayed for her.  IF, and this is a big IF, If you can read my writing, notice the different ways this chapter of Proverbs has encouraged me to pray for my wife.

God will work in your marriage in wonderful ways, if you consistently read God’s Word and then pray for your spouse.

Scan of Proverbs 31 page

Practical advice from an experienced pastor in which we learn that marrying well is of first importance

Published on October 9, 2010 in Marriage and Stupid Stuff. 1 Comment

Jamie is the heroine of this post.

Since I have now sojourned this earth considerably longer than Israel was in the wilderness, I am qualified to dispense advice. 

(1) If you ever get up to preach in front of a large group of people, in a metropolitan area quite a distance from home, and if you have a large set of car keys, then set them down before you go up, lest, they make a large bulge in your pocket. Or, worse yet, you jingle them absent mindedly and distract the audience.

Most of you wouldn’t know this, because you are not so wise in public speaking.

Fortunately, I am experienced and think of such things in advance of speaking, as I did on Thursday night.

(2) If you do set your keys down before you go up to speak, then put them somewhere they will be safe and where someone else will not grab them.

Most of you would have done this because you have developed beyond the intellectual age of an 8 year old. In contrast, while I have a somewhat sophisticated theology, I have the ability to keep track of things of a first grader and did not do this on Thursday night.

(3) If you do lose your keys after you speak, and you have to call your wife to drive a long distance to bring you keys (say to Milwaukee) late at night, then be sure you married a patient, godly woman who will not tell you to either hot wire the car or sleep on the street.

I did marry a wonderful wife.

So, I followed two of the three points.  But, having gotten home very late, I am not sure that I agree with the assessment that “Two out of three ain’t bad.”

P.S. Another piece of advice would not to set your keys down anywhere near pastor’s wives – - who might pick up the keys thinking they are her husbands – - which is what happened, another pastor’s wife saw the keys and picked them up.

Dr. Al Mohler – Divorce the Scandal of the Evangelical Conscience

Published on October 3, 2010 in Marriage. 1 Comment

Dr. Mohler:

Evangelical Christians are gravely concerned about the family, and this is good and necessary. But our credibility on the issue of marriage is significantly discounted by our acceptance of divorce. To our shame, the culture war is not the only place that an honest confrontation with the divorce culture is missing. Divorce is now the scandal of the evangelical conscience.

Read the rest here.

What do you do with a husband who will not lead?

Published on September 26, 2010 in Church and Marriage. 1 Comment

Brief, wise words from Mark Driscoll.

Prop 8 got struck down, now what

Published on August 13, 2010 in Marriage and Politics. 0 Comments

Kevin DeYoung:

As you all know by now, last week a judge in California overturned Proposition 8, the voter approved legislation that defined marriage as between a man and a woman. This has once again thrown the spotlight on gay marriage and the debate over homosexuality in our culture.

I don’t have anything new to say about Prop 8 and the importance of marriage, nor do I feel the need to repeat the biblical arguments for monogamous heterosexuality. But I’ve been thinking about the future challenges facing the church regarding this issue. It’s easy to say “we must stand for biblical truth” or “we must reach out to gays and lesbians” or “we must repent of our own sins.” These are all true statements, but they are not very specific. So I’ve been pondering what in particular should Christians do? Here’s the beginning of a list.

1. We should not disengage. It’s tempting to say “We’re going to lose this one. So let’s just try to love people and not put up a fight” But laws do have consequences. Seeking the peace of the city means we defend marriage because we believe it is for the common good. We need thoughtful, winsome Christians engaging with this issue on television, in print, in the academy, in the arts, and in politics and law.

2. Pastors need to teach on sexuality, preferably in the regular course of expositional preaching. A special series on sex is needed at times, but that can look like special pleading. It’s better for congregations to develop a biblical view of sexuality as they go through Ephesians, 1 Corinthians, Genesis, and the Gospels (yes, Jesus did talk about homosexuality; see Mark 7:21).

3. We should assume that there are people in our churches right now struggling with same gender attraction. Leaders need to verbalize this (not specific names obviously) in sermon application and in pastoral prayers. We need to convey that the church is a safe place for those fighting this temptation. Second to Jesus Christ and his gospel, those struggling with same gender attraction need gospel community more than anything else.

4. Youth groups need to talk frankly about sex and sexual identity. The public school teachers I talk to tell me that teenagers are more and more likely to experiment with their sexuality. They’ll choose to be gay for a season just because they can. These issues will only become more prevalent.

5. We must not be afraid to talk about homosexuality.  Don’t be silenced by Christians calling for umpteen more years of dialogue or those who say you need at least one gay friend before you can open your mouth. The Bible speaks openly about sexuality and we must not be embarrassed to open God’s word. BUT when we do speak we must do so with broken hearts not bulging veins. . .

The rest here.

I was excited at the time . . .

Published on August 12, 2010 in Marriage. 4 Comments

21 years later, I am more blessed than ever.

Proposition 8 Decision

Published on August 7, 2010 in Marriage and Politics. 0 Comments

Dr. Al Mohler:

The importance of the decision handed down yesterday by U. S. District Judge Vaughn  R. Walker in California’s Proposition 8 trial will be difficult to exaggerate. Proponents of same-sex marriage immediately declared a major victory — and for good reason. The editorial board of The New York Timesdeclared the verdict “an instant landmark in American legal history,” and so it is, even if later reversed upon appeal.

Judge Walker’s decision is sweeping and comprehensive, basically affirming every argument and claim put forth by those demanding that California’s Proposition 8 be declared unconstitutional. That proposition, affirmed by a clear majority of California voters, amended the state’s constitution to define marriage as the union of a man and a woman. In one brazen act of judicial energy, California’s voters were told that they had no right to define marriage, and thousands of years of human wisdom were discarded as irrational.

Here for the rest.

Collin Hansen’s post includes the thoughts of Pastor Bob Bixby and Pastor Steve Dewitt (click here).

Al Mohler: Marry Outside the Faith? The Logic of Christian Marriage

Published on August 2, 2010 in Marriage. 0 Comments

Dr. Mohler interacts with recent studies that consider how the likelihood of divorce increases for couples who do not have the same beliefs. 

The sociological research presents a clear case for social concern, but the Christian case against mixed-faith marriage emerged long before the academic discipline of sociology. That case is rooted in the logic of the Gospel itself, and in the reality of the Lordship of Jesus Christ.

The rest here.