Archive for the 'Parenting' Category

Mohler on NY Times Magazine on “Failure to Launch”

Published on August 25, 2010 in Culture and Parenting. 0 Comments

One of the things I appreciate most about Dr. Mohler’s leadership is his interaction with current issues.  Dr. Mohler writes:

The New York Times Magazine addresses an important question in its August 22, 2010 cover story — “What Is It About 20-Somethings?” With this cover story, the venerable newspaper gives cultural attention to a phenomenon some now call “failure to launch.” In her article, writer Robin Marantz Henig probes this issue with care and insight. In all probability, this cover story will be discussed for years to come.

The reason for this becomes clear once you read the essay. Henig lets her readers understand the scale of the issue — we are not talking about a passing phenomenon that is linked to the economic recession. We are talking about a major change in the way young people move toward adulthood . . . if they are moving toward adulthood.

As Henig summarizes:

It’s happening all over, in all sorts of families, not just young people moving back home but also young people taking longer to reach adulthood overall. It’s a development that predates the current economic doldrums, and no one knows yet what the impact will be — on the prospects of the young men and women; on the parents on whom so many of them depend; on society, built on the expectation of an orderly progression in which kids finish school, grow up, start careers, make a family and eventually retire to live on pensions supported by the next crop of kids who finish school, grow up, start careers, make a family and on and on. The traditional cycle seems to have gone off course, as young people remain un tethered to romantic partners or to permanent homes, going back to school for lack of better options, traveling, avoiding commitments, competing ferociously for unpaid internships or temporary (and often grueling) Teach for America jobs, forestalling the beginning of adult life.

The focus of Henig’s article is on young people in their 20s — a period she describes as a “black box.” As a generation, they are constantly moving residence (one-third move each year), changing jobs (average is seven jobs in their 20s), and moving back home with parents (one-third at least once). Two-thirds cohabitate with “a romantic partner” and delay marriage until their late 20s.

Henig cites one sociologist who calls all this “the changing timetable for adulthood.” How big a change? Consider this: In 1960, the vast majority of young adults had accomplished the five standard milestones used to measure adult status. These milestones include completing school, leaving home, getting married, having a child, and establishing financial independence. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, less than one-half of all young women reached these milestones by age 30 in 2000. Even more concerning — less than one third of all young men did.

The rest here.

200 comments later, I’ve learned that nothing hurts more than rebellious children – - though, community helps cope with the pain

Published on July 30, 2010 in Parenting. 7 Comments

I am moving the sharing of hurting parents to this post.  If you have a rebellious or wayward child, this group could be a great encouragement to you.  You can see the original post here. 

If you are hurting because of the decisions your children are making, this can be a place of encouragement.

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As a pastor, I have learned that there may be no more hurting group of people in the world, than parents who are concerned for a son or daughter who is making poor choices.

So, in December of 2008, I posted with the goal of encouraging parents of wayward children.

The most effective aspect of the post was that it was the beginning of a small community.  After the post, several began to share their struggles with one another in the comments and to pray.  The discussion continues.  To date, there are over 200 comments – - many of them quite lengthy.

In fact, there are so many comments readers are finding it difficult to read them all.  As a result, I am suggesting that we move the encouragement and discussion to this post.

You are invited to join the discussion.

C.J. Mahaney on helping children identify idols which may include video games

Published on July 16, 2010 in Parenting. 0 Comments

Wise words from C.J. Mahaney:

Video games are one of the most influential and time consuming recreational activities in our society today. On average gamers spend 18 hours per week playing video games. This extensive time investment is reflected in the money invested in video game consoles and software. In 2009, $19.7 billion was spent on video games worldwide, $2.6 billion more than was spent on movies in both box office ticket sales and DVD sales combined.* Many parents are surprised to discover that video games generate more profit than Hollywood.

What this all means is that few children escape the influence of video games, and the temptation to idolatry.

So how can parents lead their children in such a media-crazed world?
In this Q&A session C.J. answers one father’s question about how to monitor his child’s use of video games. The following excerpt was originally recorded during a Pastors College meeting on December 4, 2009.
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Question: As kids get older, how do you dealt with idols in their lives?…For example, my 12 year old son is generally obedient, but he loves to play video games. If that privilege is lifted he is like a different kid. How much do we restrict? Do we just say no more of this? What have you done in those situations?
C.J. Mahaney: Great question. We are always reluctant to answer parenting questions because they are so child specific, and the more you know about the child the more, I think, wise and precise you can be.  But, in general, you want your child to be convinced that you can identify with them.

Read more here.

Can anything be less than nothing?

Published on July 3, 2010 in Parenting, Proverbs and Recommended Reading. 0 Comments

Fair time is not so awful far away (See Remembering the 1972 County Fair in Keosauqua, IA).  Surely you know some little girl you can encourage to read Charlotte’s Web.  What a warm way to teach Proverbs 18:24.

Wilbur feels the pain of loneliness:

“Certainly not,” said the lamb. “In the first place, I cannot get into your pen, as I am not old enough to jump over the fence.  In the second place, I am not interested in pigs.  Pigs mean less than nothing to me.”

“What do you mean, less than nothing?” replied Wilbur.  “I don’t think there is any such thing as less than nothing?  Nothing is absolutely the limit of nothingness.  It’s the lowest you can go.  It’s the end of the line.  How can something be less than nothing?  If there were something that was less than nothing, then nothing would not be nothing, it would be something – - even though it’s just a very little bit of something – - But if nothing is nothing, then nothing has nothing that is less than it is.”

“Oh, be quiet!” said the lamb.  “Go play by yourself!  I don’t play with pigs.”

Yet, Wilbur finds a friend.

Wilbur never forgot Charlotte.  Although he loved her children and grandchildren dearly, none of the new spiders ever quite too her place in his heart.  It is not often that someone comes along who is a true friend and a good writer.  Charlotte was both.

A companion of many friends may come to ruin, but there’s a friend that sticks closer than a brother (Prov 18:24).

Christian Smith helps us understand our teens and young adults

Published on June 3, 2010 in Parenting and Recommended Reading. 0 Comments

Sociologist Christian Smith’s studies of youth and young adults is arguably the most important Christian sociology work in recent years.  His books are required reading for youth pastors or others who wish to think deeply about what is going on with our young people.

It was Smith who introduced the term, “moralistic therapeutic deism” in the book Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers to describe many in our culture.  By this term Smith meant that most U.S. teens believe in “a benevolent God unattached to a particular tradition who is there mostly to help with personal problems.”  Stated in the negative, they have little idea of the God of the Bible.

October 2009, Souls in Transition: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of Emerging Adults was released. Below is a CT interview with Smith. This is very informative and challenging reading as we think about our young people.

"When there is no authority in religion or in politics, men are soon frightened by the limitless independence with which they are faced. They are worried and worn out by the constant restlessness of everything." Alexis de Tocqueville observed this about 19th-century Americans and their budding instincts on freedom and religion. But he could just as well have been describing today’s young adults. In a new life phase that sociologist Jeffrey Jensen Arnett labeled emerging adulthood, Americans ages 18-29 enjoy more options for work, marriage, and location than perhaps any previous generation. They are also one of the most self-focused, confused, and anxious age groups, led into an "adultolescence" that prevents a majority from committing to people and institutions.

All of this, says Christian Smith—sociologist at the University of Notre Dame and director of its Center for the Study of Religion and Society—seriously shapes emerging adult’s religious beliefs and practices. His Souls in Transition (Oxford), the follow-up to his and Melinda Lundquist Denton’s groundbreaking Soul Searching, suggests that the church can root emerging adults in Christ at a time when they are tempted to float away. CT associate editor Katelyn Beaty recently spoke with Smith about his findings.

What cultural shifts have produced this new life phase called emerging adulthood?

Much social transformation since the 1960s and ’70s has created it. A higher proportion of American youth are spending more years in higher education. They are waiting a lot longer before they get married and have kids. That’s partly related to wanting to stay in school longer. It’s partly related to wanting to be "free" longer. It’s also associated with things like the availability of artificial contraception.

Another factor is changes in the global economy that make jobs more fluid and unpredictable. You no longer settle into a job that you’ll have the rest of your life. You may be transferred, you may lose your job, you may need retraining, you may need specialized education. All of this puts young people on edge, wanting to keep their options open when it comes to work.

All this has also created cultural changes that perpetuate an interest in being wild and free, sexually hopping around, for a time. As they exit the teenage years, young people basically understand they have up to 12 years before having a family and settling into their "real job." And those are very important years.

How do all these transitions affect emerging adults’ religious attitudes?

Most of what happens in emerging adulthood works against serious faith commitments and putting down roots in congregations. Most emerging adults are disconnected from religious institutions and practices. Geographic mobility, social mobility, wanting to have options, thinking this is the time to be crazy and free in ways most religious traditions would frown upon, wanting an identity different from the family of origin—all of these factors reduce serious faith commitments.

For some emerging adults, the chaos helps them find that religion is an extremely helpful antidote. But that’s after they have been through many difficulties. And only some look to faith to provide stability; most do not go there in the first place.

All that said, there is a significant minority of emerging adults who are raised in seriously religious families who continue on with that. It’s not a story of consistent decline. But overall the culture of emerging adulthood puts many pressures on faith practices that are undermining or depressing.

Here to read more.

Collin Hansen asks, “Is 26 the new 18”?

Published on April 16, 2010 in Marriage and Parenting. 3 Comments

Collin Hansen raises an interesting question about the implications of health care legislation.

Following this blog, I figured the best way to rack up comments was to write about health care. So I thought I might explore one element of the recently enacted health-reform legislation that grabbed my attention as a prospective pastor. Though I worked for a short time on Capitol Hill, much of the far-reaching legislation eludes my understanding. We will be sorting out the implications of these reforms for years, if not decades. But one provision stands out as noteworthy, because it exposes a major social change with questionable merit. Until young adults turn 26, insurers are now required to let their parents retain them as dependents, no matter whether they have married or found gainful employment.

The move will benefit many of the 13.2 million Americans between the ages of 19 and 29 who currently do not have health insurance. According to the Commonwealth Fund, almost 30 percent of this age group foregoes health insurance for a variety of reasons. Students may continue from college to graduate school through at least their mid-20s. An unhealthy job market directs others into internships, residencies, or part-time positions that do not provide benefits. Youth (with its high risk-tolerance) convinces some to take their chances that no catastrophic illness will befall them.

This new insurance mandate matches the new social reality for 20-somethings who cannot or do not become independent adults when they turn 18, or even 21.

Here for the rest.

Why loving parents are dull

Published on February 7, 2010 in Parenting. 0 Comments

Abraham Piper shares why it is important for parents to be dull.  This is critical and points to one of the dangers of our age.

Should I get a tattoo even if my parents don’t agree?

Published on January 25, 2010 in Parenting. 0 Comments

Dr. Russell Moore gives his answer to this question.  Click here.

Should a Christian get a tattoo even if his parents object?

Published on January 11, 2010 in Parenting. 4 Comments

Dr. Russ Moore raises a questions that is increasingly under consideration.  While Dr. Moore has not yet given his response, this is a post where the comments are worth reading.

Click here.

Parents memorize this: “I love you enough to die for you, so having you upset with me is a relatively small thing in my world.”

Published on December 2, 2009 in Chris Brauns Radio Spots and Parenting. 3 Comments

Below are two messages that parents of young children should memorize.

The Bible instructs parents to love their children. But, the Bible does not define love as squishy sentimentalism that gives children whatever they want whenever they ask for it.

In fact, Scripture says, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” (Pr 13:24) Parents who truly love their children consistently discipline them.

As the parent of four children, I do not enjoy disciplining my children. But, one sentence I learned early on is very helpful. In the context of discipline I have learned to say and think:

Message #1: I love you too much to teach you that you can make bad choices without any consequences.  As someone has said, “Choose to sin, choose to suffer.”  Don’t be deceived God cannot be mocked.  You reap what you sow.  (Galatians 6:7-8).

Or, when my children are upset with me because they think I am too protective, I say and think this:

Message #2: All your life, I have been willing to die for you. I can honestly tell you that it came down to your life or my life, I would give up mine on your behalf. So, if I am willing to die for you, then having you upset with me because I am protecting you is a relatively small thing in my world. If protecting you, means you being mad at me, then so be it.”

Parents, if you are unwilling to discipline your children then you are being unloving to them.

“He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” (Pr 13:24)