Previously, I offered this one page overview of Unpacking Forgiveness.
Here is an alternative form (HT: Route 5:9) which I don’t endorse.
I do endorse Peacemakers the seven A’s!
As God opens your eyes to see how you have sinned against others, he simultaneously offers you a way to find freedom from your past wrongs. It is called confession. Many people have never experienced this freedom because they have never learned how to confess their wrongs honestly and unconditionally. Instead, they use words like these: "I’m sorry if I hurt you." "Let’s just forget the past." "I suppose I could have done a better job." "I guess it’s not all your fault." These token statements rarely trigger genuine forgiveness and reconciliation. If you really want to make peace, ask God to help you breathe grace by humbly and thoroughly admitting your wrongs. One way to do this is to use the Seven A’s.
- Address everyone involved (All those whom you affected)
- Avoid if, but, and maybe (Do not try to excuse your wrongs)
- Admit specifically (Both attitudes and actions)
- Acknowledge the hurt (Express sorrow for hurting someone)
- Accept the consequences (Such as making restitution)
- Alter your behavior (Change your attitudes and actions)
- Ask for forgiveness
See Matthew 7:3-5; 1 John 1:8-9; Proverbs 28:13.
In regards the Seven A’s and point 1, if someone wrongs or hurts me, would they be required to ask for forgiveness from my wife? Or a better example might be to take the young boy Chris from Chp. 4 of your book. What obligation would Chris’ attacker have to Chris’ parents?
Yes, I think in the case of Chris Carrier the offender should ask for forgiveness from the family (and I don’t know how that all worked out in the Carrier case).
The circle of offense depends, of course, on the nature of injury as well as the relationship to the one injured. But, if someone did something serious to your wife (and you have a wonderful wife), then it would probably be appropriate for them to also ask your forgiveness.
Though, in a fallen world, we often settle for something less than ideal. Talking about the other side of it, there are times when we accept some less than ideal requests for forgiveness, I think.